Watch You Walk Away
by Babylon By Candlelight
Summary: Things haven't been the same since Sean came back from Wasaga Beach. How can you tell when someone no longer loves you?
1. Murder of an Alarm Clock

**_Disclaimer: _**If I owned Degrassi, I would be setting up Paige and Toby just to laugh. Alas, I must stick to fan fiction.

**_Author's Note:_** My first chaptered fan fiction. This doesn't really stick to any season. Ashley is in London; Manny and Craig broke up; Sean came back to Degrassi and is with Ellie. The reason the chapter is so long is because it sets up the current relationships. Read/review, any advice/suggestions is appreciated.

The soft snores of the boy lying next to her on the bed had kept Ellie awake for hours. It was only around 1:30 in the morning, but the young redhead was restless, and the sounds Sean was making only made it worse. Sliding slowly out from under the blankets, Ellie walked into the living room, turning the TV on. Not wanting to awake her boyfriend, she kept the volume muted, reading the subtitles of a late-night movie. It was a romance movie, cheesy, but not an unwelcome sight. It was nice to see how two people who loved each other really behaved. Ellie sighed and sank further into the couch, trying not to let depression seep up on her. She and Sean had not been the same since he came back from Wasaga Beach, and Ellie knew that they never would be again.

As usual, her alarm clock in the bedroom she and Sean shared went off at seven in the morning. Ellie had finally drifted off into a fitful sleep around 5:30, and was surprised to waken not to the annoying blaring of the alarm, but a thunderous CRASH from the bedroom. Bolting upright, Ellie brushed the stray hairs that had come out of her ponytail out of her face, and throwing off the blanket, raced towards the bedroom. Upon opening the door, her look of worry turned into one of exasperation – Sean was sitting up in bed, their alarm clock now lying in two pieces against the opposite wall.

"Really, Sean, can't you just hit the sleep button like a normal person?" Ellie asked, her voice tinged with irritation.

"Well, it seems I can't do anything right this morning," Sean shot back, before storming out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

A look of hurt came over Ellie's face, though she quickly swallowed down her angry retort. They didn't need to have _another_ fight, not this early in the day. Instead, she picked up her hairbrush and began getting ready for school.

Twenty minutes later, she was forced to have contact with the troll that was her boyfriend. She knocked on the bathroom door twice, sighing when no answer came. "Sean," she called, "_Sean_. We're going to be late for school." She paused, waiting, and then banged on the door with her fist. "**_Sean!_**"

"Hold your goddamn horses, I'm almost dressed!" He yelled, throwing open the door and storming past her, purposefully bumping his shoulder into her. Ellie winced, not at the slight pain that ran through her, but at how he had spoken to her. She slowly walked into the living room, just in time to see Sean leave the apartment. The redhead made her way over to the window, watching Sean climb into the orange Honda Civic that Jay drove, and slowly drive out of sight.

Ellie bit back a tearful sob as she grabbed her school bag and walked out of the apartment. Now wasn't the time to think about all the problems that had been going on for the past three months. It was better than living with her mother, at least. Sean wasn't drunk _all_ the time, and even though he had started to hang out with Jay again, for whatever demented excuse he came up with this week, she knew that it could be worse.

- - _Scene Change_ - - -

Ellie arrived at school half an hour later, with fifteen minutes to kill. After stopping off at the girl's washroom to put on her makeup, she looked around for Craig, Alex, and Marco. She felt a bit sad that it was in that particular order she now looked for people. Marco, who had once been most, if not all, of her universe, had somehow shifted to the bottom. She missed the closeness they once shared, but there was nothing that could be done about it now. Lately, Marco had been hanging around with Manny Santos and Emma Nelson, and Alex had shifted her life over to that of her girlfriend Paige's. How _that_ had happened, Ellie still wasn't sure, and Alex wasn't talking. It was down to her and Craig now, who had become much happier since he and Manny called it quits for good.

She spotted Craig near the doors of the cafeteria, and she quickly walked over to him. Even though it was still early in the morning, the kids around her were spilling food left and right, and she had to be alert if she wanted her new black and red plaid skirt to be unstained. Finally, Ellie stopped beside her best friend, and unceremoniously pulled off his headphones.

"Pay attention to me," she teased, poking him in the side. Craig grinned, putting his iPod in his backpack and stared at Ellie unblinkingly, his large eyes growing glazed as he watched her.

"Craig, what are you doing?" Ellie asked, now a bit uneasy. "Craig? Stop it! You know I hate being stared at!" Without thinking, her left hand made its way to her right wrist, and started rubbing it compulsively. Craig noticed this right away, and pulled her hand away from her arm, holding it protectively in his.

"Ellie, you're not cutting again, are you?" he asked seriously, concern written on his face.

"No! Craig, you know I stopped. Or, well, that I haven't done it in awhile. I guess that's as much 'stopped' as I'll ever get," she answered, her eyes flashing. "Just because I'm rubbing my wrist doesn't mean I've cut. Just like you being angry about something doesn't mean you've gone off your meds."

"Okay! Geez, excuse me for being worried about you!" Craig snapped, picking up his backpack to leave.

"Craig, wait, I'm sorry," Ellie said quickly, placing her hand on his arm, eyes pleading. "You know I get defensive about…well, that. Ever since Paige told Suave, I've gotten uptight about it. I'm sorry I said that, it was messed up of me." She bit her lower lip, glancing up at him. He was the only one she really trusted at this point; Ellie couldn't afford to lose him.

"It's okay, El. I know you didn't mean anything by it. I just always hear _her_ voice asking if I've been taking the meds anytime someone mentions it." After almost six months, Craig still couldn't say Ashley's name without it being followed by whatever he was holding being broken. Now, he just referred to his ex-girlfriend as '_her'_, or '_she'_.

He watched Ellie for a minute, before frowning. Her pretty hazel eyes were glazed with unshed tears, and when he followed the direction she was looking in, he saw Sean standing there with Jay, talking to a grade nine.

"Craig… Can I ask you something?" Her voice hesitantly asked.

"Of course. What is it?" Craig replied, switching his gaze from Jay and Ellie's boyfriend to Ellie.

"How can you tell if someone doesn't love you anymore?"


	2. Enter The Blonde

**_Disclaimer:_** I still don't own Degrassi. If I did, I would state in Adamo Ruggiero's contract that he must take me out to dinner at least twice a week.

**_Author's Note:_** There aren't any set ships in this fan fiction yet. I have an idea who Sean may end up with, but I also want in put from my readers. Who should Sean, Ellie, Craig, and Emma end up with? I'm open to almost anything.

Sean and Jay walked out of the cafeteria as soon as the first bell rang, intent on leaving the school as soon as possible. As Sean turned to wave to the hot grade nine girl the two had been talking with moments before, he ran into someone, knocking them to the floor.

"Aw, Jesus, I'm sorry," he muttered, before getting a good look at the unfortunate girl sprawled on the tile. "Shit, Ellie, why don't you look where you're going?" he growled as his girlfriend got up.

"Are you ditching Sean? You _know_ that you shouldn't, it's important for you to go to class!" Ellie cried, picking up her books. She didn't know why Sean was acting the way he was, but she cared enough still to want to make sure his future wasn't ruined. She bit her bottom lip again, trying to keep herself from going on; she didn't want to turn into a nag, but she felt she had to at least try.

"And _you_ know you can't tell me what to do! When did you get so damn controlling? If I wanted to be bitched at, I'd go back to Emma!" Sean yelled, attracting the attention of the students who were still lingering in the halls.

"Well, why _don't_ you go back to your precious Emma then, if she's so damn perfect!" came Ellie's angry answer, before a few tears streamed down her cheeks. Sean watched with both a modicum of regret, and guilty satisfaction that he had gotten a reaction out of his girlfriend; Ellie rarely cursed, and it always satisfied him when she did. It showed that she _wasn't_ perfect, one of the things he disliked about her the most. He told himself he loved her, but there were times that her nagging and condescension got to him. The annoyance he felt with the redheaded girl had grown more and more frequent over the last few months, and he found himself going out of his way to provoke a reaction that _proved_ that she wasn't any better than he was. Still, as he stood there and saw the tears, the part of him that truly cared for her broke out, and he stepped forward and embraced her, wiping the water from her cheeks.

"Ellie, don't cry. I'm sorry I've been so harsh lately; getting used to school is stressing me out, and I'm not dealing with anything well. I'm sorry."

Ellie smiled at his words, and even though she knew that it wasn't the truth, or even most of the truth, the apology mollified her and stopped her tears. Sean cleared the streak of eyeliner that had started to run with his thumb, and smiled back at her.

"But Sean… are you going to ditch?" She couldn't help but ask again, though she knew she was walking on thin ice as his expression clouded. Ellie held her breath, prepared for the harsh words she was sure would be coming her way. Instead, after a brief period of silence in which it seemed Sean was mentally counting to ten, he gave her a tight smile.

"No, Ellie, I'm not ditching. I have to go to a job interview; my parents said that they'd only pay four months rent, and I have to get my ass in gear."

Ellie looked surprised, but she smiled again, her face lighting up. "Oh, that makes sense. I'm sorry I accused you of ditching. I'll see you at home?"

"Sure Ellie, later." Ellie kissed his cheek, and walked away, yelling at Craig to wait for her.

_---Scene Change---_

"Dude, when did you become such a liar?" Jay asked, laughing. Sean glared at him, punching his arm, but a smile twitched over his face too.

"You don't get it man, she's _always_ there. Always nagging, always telling me what to do. It's driving me crazy – _she's_ driving me crazy!" Sean exclaimed, pushing his hair back and pulling his hood over his head as the two exited Degrassi. "I care about her; it's not that I hate her, but I'm going to have to kill her one of these days!"

"Okay, why don't you just break up with her then?" Jay asked, his trademark smirk back in place as they walked through the parking lot, only a few other stragglers going to or from their cars.

"Getting tired of Ellie already, Sean?" asked a sweet, almost _too_-innocent voice from next to the orange Civic.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Nelson," Jay practically purred, looking over her form. Emma glared at him, before switching her gaze back to Sean.

Sean, for once, couldn't answer her. All he could do was stare. Because this wasn't the Emma he left behind. This Emma… Well, he had a feeling he'd want to get to know _this_ Emma a whole lot better.


	3. We Can Work It Out

Emma shifted uncomfortably under Sean's gaze, though she kept her posture confident. After the incident with Jay last year, she was used to the stares and comments made about the way she dressed, looked, and acted. Still, she hadn't changed her style, because she liked the attention, even if it was negative. _How sad_, she thought with a wry smirk, _I've become a classic Freudian case of a desperate cry for help_. Well, she could just ignore the fact that she knew she was spiraling steadily downward, and focus on the matter at hand.

"Sean? Are you deaf? I asked if you were getting tired of Ellie already," Emma almost winced at the teasing, though cold, tone of her question. Sean's eyes flashed, always a sign of his rising anger. Emma's own eyes darkened – she had never been able to resist an angry Sean. He was cute all the time, but when he was mad, Sean was truly _hot_.

"I'm not sick of my _girlfriend_, Nelson," Sean snapped, brushing past Emma into Jay's Civic. Jay had already climbed into the driver's seat, and without glancing in the rear view mirror, sped out of the parking lot.

_---Scene Change---_

Emma tried not to feel hurt as she walked late into school, brushing her hair out of her face. Of course Sean wasn't tired of Ellie; they were just having a bad few months. Every relationship went through it, what was infamously dubbed the "Seven Month Fight". How could she have allowed herself to fall for Sean – _again_? She had been so sure she'd been over him; hadn't she gone down on Jay, let herself feel things for him? And then the affair with Peter, and the brief relationship she'd had with a grade twelve from Bardell. She had dated lots of guys since Sean had left, why then was she still thinking of him?

Well, never mind that now. Emma pushed her way into the Media Immersions class, ignoring the blatant stare of her stepfather as she took her seat next to Liberty. She just wouldn't think about Sean anymore. He wasn't that important. He wasn't important at _all_.

_---Scene Change---_

Tears threatened to overflow from Ellie's eyes as she watched Sean smirk at Emma in the parking lot. She immediately regretted her suggestion that he return to his blonde ex-girlfriend; what if he had taken her seriously? She loved Sean, and she didn't want to lose him. Ellie put her hand on the door, ready to go out and demand to know what was going on. Still, she hesitated a moment. What if she was blowing things out of proportion? It could be a chance encounter, or Jay could be the one meeting up with Emma. It would only piss Sean off if she showed up out of nowhere, accusing him of cheating.

Craig, seeing his best friend's almost-tears, squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. He too had noticed the tension between Ellie and Sean for the past three months; everyone in Degrassi had. He thought Sean was being an idiot, but it wasn't his place to say so until Ellie asked. Even then, he would have to choose his wording carefully.

Craig wasn't sure when he had started to develop more-than-friendly feelings for Ellie Nash. He wouldn't lie and say they had always been there, buried deep beneath his insecurities. In all honesty, it was probably the day that she threw the drumstick at Manny at the wedding gig; at the time, he had been irritated about it, but then he got to thinking. Manny was hot, no doubt about that. But Ellie…God, Ellie was beautiful. It was a classic, almost tragic beauty. Fiery, gentle red curls framed her pale face, her pretty hazel eyes contrasting with the pallor that surrounded them.

Ellie wasn't easy, or cheap. And she didn't pretend to be. Ellie didn't have to use sex to manipulate you into caring about her. Did he love Ellie? Craig didn't think so. Craig didn't think he was mature enough to love anyone, let alone the friend of his ex-girlfriend. But he knew that more than anything he wanted to be the one who made Ellie smile again.

Still, Ellie was with Sean, and he wasn't going to be the one to change that. If Ellie was so blind to how badly Sean was treating her, or how much it seemed he didn't care, then he wouldn't try to open her eyes yet. As far as he knew, it hadn't escalated from verbal to physical fights, and he also knew that the moment Cameron laid a hand on his – on Ellie, he wouldn't waste another minute in teaching Sean a lesson.

_Stop it, you're getting ahead of yourself_, Craig told himself angrily. _She loves Sean, and for all you know, you'd just make her unhappier by stepping in_. Still, he couldn't help but think that he would treat her so much better than her current boyfriend; he would treat Ellie the way she deserved to be treated.

"Craig? Are you all right?" Ellie's sweet voice cut through his melancholy thoughts, her hazel eyes watching him with concern. He was aware of her hand on his arm again, and forced down a smile at this small contact.

"I'm fine, I just have a lot on my mind," he replied vaguely, trying to smile to reassure her.

"Is there anything I can do to help? Or do you not want to talk about it?" Ellie asked sincerely, not fooled by his strained grin.

"Trust me El, if I talk to someone about it, you'll be the first one I go to. As usual," Craig smiled at her again, a real smile this time, and Ellie felt the faintest of butterflies stir in her stomach. She shook it off as being upset about Sean, and desperate for the faintest bit of affectionate contact. _Besides, you're Craig's best friend. He probably thinks of you as a sister. It would never work,_ Ellie told herself firmly. _Wait, I don't even want it to work. There's nothing _to_ work. Sean and I will be fine again someday, and I won't think twice about Craig. And it wouldn't be fair to him._

_Sean and I _will_ be fine soon…won't we?_


	4. How To Steal A Guy In 10 Days

**_Disclaimer:_** I forgot to put this on the last chapter, but I still don't own Degrassi. I just meddle with its characters for pleasure, and alas, no profit.

**_Author's Note_**: I don't have a set pattern on my update schedule. It's whenever I get an idea for the next chapter. I'll _try_ to update at least twice a week, but no promises. Also, I apologize about the varying length of the chapters; chapters three and four have been written and uploaded at school, so I'm on a tight amount of time. I love reviews, so make my day and drop me a line.

School had been over for a few hours, and Emma was over at Marco's house along with Manny, staring at the computer screen. Her eyes looked red, as though she had been crying earlier, but when both of her friends had queried about it, she had written the colour off as allergies. Manny happily accepted this explanation, and while Marco was less enthused about her answer, he decided not to press it. When Emma was ready to tell him what was wrong, she would. She usually did.

"So, we're supposed to be looking up what effects hygienically altered food has on humans," Emma was saying, and Marco snapped back to attention, irritated that his perusal of his best friend's appearance had led him to drifting off.

"Emma, didn't you already lead a protest like this a few years ago?" Manny asked, tilting her head to the side. Manny's style had drastically changed this year, as it had a tendency to do. She had forsaken the fitted tank tops, the tight jeans, and the heeled sandals for sneakers, regular t-shirts, and comfortable, if not baggy jeans. Having accepted that she and Craig would never be together again, Manny realized that the style she had used to snare him in the first place was now obsolete. Being known as the "school slut" and "relationship ruiner" had taken its toll on the brunette, and she was once again trying to change into a girl _she_ liked.

"Yeah, but that was when we had Radditch in charge. I'm hoping that with the change in administration, my request will be approved this time," Emma's tone was monotone, almost rehearsed, and even Manny looked up sharply at her.

"Okay, that's it. I've had it, Em. You say that nothing's wrong, but you're acting like a robot. Either get better at pretending that you're fine, or spill."

Marco blinked at Manny's almost harsh tone, but mentally cheered. Manny didn't get involved in her friends' problems as much as she used to, but when she did, she didn't back down. He too looked to the blonde teenager sitting in between him and Manny, his eyes silently pleading with her to let them help her.

"It's… it's just…" Emma began to talk, but faltered, but Marco had seen what he privately dubbed _The Look_ flash in her eyes. He decided to help her out.

"It's a guy, isn't it? Which one?"

"Oh, which one do you think, Marco? Which one is it usually? Which one has it _always_ been?" Emma's cry was filled with despair as she bent forward, her elbows propped up on her knees, and head in her hands. Manny was immediately at her side, her arms around her ailing friend. Marco too felt sorry for her, but there was a bigger problem to be dealt with at the moment.

"Sean's still with Ellie though, isn't he?"

Wrong thing to say. Emma's silent sobs turned vocal, though she wasn't wailing, or even being particularly loud. In fact, the only sound that came from her was a gasp, as though Marco had suddenly slapped her, and she couldn't quite believe it. Manny glared at Marco, and continued to rub Emma's back as the distraught girl sobbed.

"But they've been having so many problems lately! I'm sure that if you told Sean how you felt, he would think about who he _really_ wants to be with," Manny said softly. She hated to get involved in relationship problems, but Emma was her best friend, and she couldn't sit and watch her be in such emotional pain without doing anything to help her.

"Manny, Ellie's my friend too. What about what _she_ wants? Maybe she's happy with Sean," Marco argued; he and Ellie didn't talk much anymore, but he still felt loyal to her. After all, she had given up so much for her, repressed her feelings and eventually forced herself to get over him. He couldn't forget that.

"Please, Marco, anyone with eyes can see that_ he_ is crazy about her," the tone crept into the Filipino girl's voice that she tended to have whenever talking about Craig; the fact that she said the word '_he' _like someone would say, 'that dead rat', or 'that foaming slug' was a dead giveaway in itself. "Besides, Sean doesn't seem happy with her. When's the last time he smiled when they were together?"

Marco couldn't argue that point, as much as he wanted to. And really, he knew that Ellie couldn't be happy with the situation either. "Listen," he began, then cleared his throat, "listen, I'll talk to Ellie. I'll see what's going on. Can you hold off on Operation: How To Steal A Guy In Ten Days until I know her side?"

Emma glared at him, her blue eyes narrowing. "I would _not_ try to steal Sean and you know it, Marco Del Rossi. I'm better than that! If he wants to be miserable with Goth Girl, then they _deserve_ each other!"

Marco had had enough. He got up, looked at Emma one more time, and said in a cold voice, "The important thing is that _you_ believe that, Emma," before walking out the door.


	5. We All Do Things

**_Disclaimer: _**Degrassi is still not under my control. However, I can make my written lovelies dance. Dance, my lovelies, dance!

It was nearly ten o'clock, and Sean still hadn't come home. Normally, Ellie would be worried, but he had come home late everyday for the past month with little explanation. She had trained herself into not expecting him until at least midnight, and was even beginning to realize that she didn't care. If he wanted to be immature about their problems, and "solve" them by only being around in the wee hours of the morning, then it was fine with her.

She simply didn't know what to do anymore. Any attempts at talking through their issues had failed; Sean would assure her that it was him with the problem, that he was stressed, not dealing with school well, that his parents wouldn't stop calling, and that he was just overtired. He always said that he still loved her, and didn't want to break up. Ellie never got a chance to talk about what she wanted, even if it wasn't much.

A noise at the door caught Ellie's attention, and she tried to fix her face into a blank expression as Sean walked through the door. Like usual, he was drunk. Not like usual, he was _extremely_ drunk. _Job interview my ass_, Ellie thought wryly, though she was determined not to say anything. She knew that Sean was just waiting for her to jump on him so that he could yell at her, twist everything around to where she was pressuring him, _making_ him act this way, and tonight, she just couldn't deal with it.

She walked to their bedroom, and knocked softly on the door. "Sean," she called quietly, "I'm going to do laundry; do you have any clothes you want washed?" There, that was a question he couldn't twist, or yell at her for. A small sigh escaped her lips; she was so tired of having to watch every word she said to him. Still… it was better than living with her mother.

"If I had any damn clothes, I'd have given them to you!" Sean yelled back, though a few moments later, the door opened and Ellie found a pile of absolutely _filthy_ clothes thrown at her feet. Biting her lip, Ellie looked down to notice that her left hand was rubbing her right wrist. She quickly pulled them apart; she knew what followed that sort of contact, and she had promised Craig she would stop.

Craig. Just thinking his name sent a wave of…of what? His name made her feel a foreign emotion, and she couldn't quite place it. She didn't want to disappoint him, or make him mad at her. But she also knew that he would be there for her no matter what, even if she broke down right now, cut her wrists to shreds, then came to him crying. It was a comforting emotion. Craig wouldn't judge her, just like he hadn't judged her four months ago, when he saw the wrist bands and knew.

_---Flashback: 4 Months, Degrassi Community School Music Room---_

_Ellie was sitting on the piano stool in the deserted music room, crying softly. It was the first big fight she and Sean had since he came back, the one that triggered all the problems they were having in the present. She had given in and taken a razor to her wrist, though she knew that she shouldn't have. She felt so weak, and she was so angry with herself for giving in. All the disappointment, hurt, and rage she felt combined into a despairing emotion, and made her want to pick up a pair of nearby scissors and bleed some more. _

_The door to the class opened, and Craig walked in. He saw his friend, though at the time they were not nearly as close as they would become, and walked over to her, only seeing her tearstained face._

"_**Ellie, what is it?"** he asked, figuring that it was a failed test or unfair teacher that had gotten the redhead so upset._

"**_Sean… he… he said…we had a fight last night, and we both said things we meant,"_** _Ellie cried, clenching onto the armbands as though they were a life preserver. Craig noticed her grip, and gently removed her hands from the fabric. Ellie tensed, averting her gaze as though to salvage the situation, but Craig already knew._

"_**Ellie… Oh, Ellie,"** he didn't know what to say. This wasn't something he had to deal with, even when Ellie hung out with him and Ash – with _her_, back when they were still together. _Sh – _oh, hell, _Ashley_ would always be the one to comfort or talk with Ellie, gently shooing him away to go talk to Spinner or Jimmy. Now, he was at a loss._

"_**Go ahead! Say it!"** Ellie cried, her eyes blazing in defiance. That was the first time Craig noticed her hazel eyes – eyes that danced with fire when she felt passionate about something. It was entrancing, elegant…beautiful. _Ellie_ was beautiful. And, Ellie was still talking, **"Say I'm a disgusting freak, or a weird-o, or psycho. I don't care anymore – I just don't care!"**_

"_**Ellie! I do not think you're a freak. Back when she – when Ashley left, you know what happened. I went overboard, I ran away, I even thought about cutting, or taking drugs. Don't you get it by now?" **Craig's voice was both firm and understanding, and when Ellie shook her head in response to his question, Craig uttered the phrase she would never forget, no matter how long she lived:_

"_**We all do things."**_

_---End Flashback: Sean and Ellie's Apartment---_

Ellie sighed. She knew that from that day on, she and Craig had a bond that no one else could understand. They were best friends; they weren't inseparable, or attached at the hip, but they _understood_ each other. And he was there for her, if she needed him.

Like now.

Ellie threw the clothes in the washer, turned it on, grabbed her bag, and left the apartment. She couldn't take the sounds of Sean stumbling around in the bedroom, drunk as one could be and still be conscious. She would come back, eventually. But now, she had to get out, go anywhere that wasn't here. And the only place she wanted to go was to Craig's. The sound of the door behind her rattling awoke her from her inner thoughts, and she saw Sean clumsily start to come after her. Without a second thought, Ellie broke into a run, only one thing running through her mind as her feet pounded the pavement: Get to Craig, get to Craig, get to Craig.

**_A/N:_** I think this is going to end up being a Craig/Ellie ship, though I'm still deciding on pairings for Emma, Sean, and possibly Manny. Offer any suggestions on what you want to see, with characters, confrontations, or anything.


	6. Drunken Explanations

**_Disclaimer:_** During class, I dozed off and dreamed that I owned Degrassi. When I awoke, I realized all I owned was a piece of Spanish homework. I would rather own Degrassi. I also don't own the character of Josh Zweifler; he's owned by his ex-girlfriend, pathetically enough. Aww…

**_Author's Note_**: Hopefully, this chapter will give some insight into Sean's behavior. And I'm not so good at drunken speech, so bear with my attempts. There's pretty strong language in this chapter (I don't like cussing that much, so I try to keep it toned down as much as possible). Remember, reviews keep me alive, so any comments/suggestions/love notes are definitely appreciated.

Sean and Jay had been drinking since noon. They started out with a few beers as they watched crappy daytime T.V, but by the time 3:00 rolled around, they had progressed to harder liquor. Of course, getting drunk to the point of passing out ruins the whole experience, and these two were professionals when it came to getting the most out of their booze. In between drinking sessions, Jay and Sean played video games that the former 'lifted' from the store, their favourite being Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Another game, though Sean wasn't sure of the name, involved launching a guy out of a car, and taking turns yelling "I'm Josh Zweifler!" as the character flew through the air, referring to a boy at school that no one seemed to like (except, strangely enough, his ex-girlfriend, but then no one could stand her either).

Still, pretending to be smashing a person you hate on cement, running them over with a car, and slicing their body on netting _does_ get old after awhile, even to a couple of drunk dudes. Around ten o'clock (it gets old after awhile, but even then it's a very _long_ while), Jay told Sean to clear off – one of the girls he had met in the Ravine was coming over to "study", and he didn't need his best friend hanging around to interfere with the "learning", as he so subtly put it. Though he was reluctant to go, Sean obligingly stood up and exited the trashy apartment, not entirely sure he remembered where home was.

About fifteen minutes and two wrong turns later, Sean was stumbling through the door of his apartment, not entirely aware of his girlfriend sitting on the couch, looking thoroughly miserable. He immediately went into the bedroom, intent on passing out, or vomiting, or maybe both. After throwing his dirty clothes to Ellie, Sean sat on the bed, head cradled in his hands. Life seemed so much less hard when he was drunk.

Why had Ellie left? All he wanted to do at the moment was curl up beside her on the couch, maybe fall asleep with his head in her lap – Sean just wanted _contact_. He stumbled out of the room, hoping he'd be able to catch up to her, to explain why he'd been so shut off, to just bring her back and pretend that their relationship wasn't falling apart. He called to her once, but it came out a garbled slurring of words, and she broke into a run. Sean tried to catch up, but the sidewalk wouldn't hold still for him long enough to get his legs moving. Finally, he just stopped, sinking onto a bench and staring off in the distance, eyes blurred and unable to focus on anything.

"Sean?" a cool hand touched his shoulder, and he jumped.

"Ellie! Ellie, 'm sorry. Please come back to the apar'ment," he slurred, not even attempting to look at the person who had touched him.

"Sean, it's not Ellie…it's Emma." The blonde girl moved from standing to sitting beside him, removing her hand from his shoulder and looking at him in concern. He was drunk, which didn't surprise her in the least. A twinge of sadness echoed through her, remembering the first time she had ever seen him drunk, and how she had gotten him to stop drinking for awhile.

"Em? Ohh, Emmy, 'm so glad you're here. My girlfriend ran 'way from me, and I dun wanna be 'lone. 'm so tired of being alone…" Sean's voice was still slurred, though Emma could hear the sad honesty below his drunken murmurings.

"Sean, I'm not surprised Ellie left. You've been treating her so badly for so long," Emma may have still loved her ex-boyfriend, but even she was appalled at how he had been treating Ellie. "What's wrong? You're not acting like the Sean I know."

"Well, maybe I don't wanna be that Sean anymore. And like you've got any room ta talk. You've changed so much, ya could change your name, dye your hair black, and no one at Degrassi would think it was you," Sean lazily replied, not able to even put any spite into his comment. The spite wasn't needed though – Emma hung her head, before glancing up again, and as hard as she could, slapping Sean across the face.

"Jesus Christ! What the _fuck_ was that for?" Sean yelled, looking very much as though he was considering punching Emma back. Luckily, he managed to keep his temper under control.

"You're drunk off your ass Sean! I thought it would help bring you back to Reality Land for a few seconds!" Emma yelled back, her eyes blazing. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you? You've been acting like a complete jerk-off for the past three months or more!"

"What's wrong? What's _wrong_? You want to know what's _wrong, _Emma?" Sean growled, glaring at her.

"Yes Sean, that would be nice," she answered sarcastically, glaring back just as angrily. "What's wrong?"

"I give up; what is it?" Sean replied, laughing hysterically at his lame joke. Once more, Emma's open palm met his cheek in a stinging slap, and his eyes widened. "Do that again Nelson and I'll hit you back."

"Do it Sean, you damn coward, hit me," Emma taunted, her mouth curving into a cruel smirk. As Sean's face contorted with rage, she felt the dull satisfaction that she had gotten a reaction out of him.

"**_Don't call me a coward!_**" Sean screamed, taking Emma by surprise. "Goddamn you old man, don't you dare call me a coward!" Emma's eyes filled with tears as she watched him curse out a person that only he could see in his mind, though she had a good idea of who he was so angry towards.

"My God Sean, what did they do to you?" she whispered, blinking back the liquid that swam in her light blue eyes, as she rested her shaking hand on his elbow. At her touch, Sean seemed to calm down immediately, though his face was far from peaceful. "Sean, please, talk to me. I'm scared for you."

Sean looked at her for a second, as though evaluating how trustworthy she was. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly; the most sober he'd been in a few weeks. "Emma…When I went back to my parents after I sho – after Rick died, it was because I needed to get away from everything. They said they had cleaned up their acts – they weren't drinking anymore, they both had decent jobs... _They'd_ take care of _me_, not the other way around." His voice broke there, and Emma took his hand in hers, squeezing it reassuringly. Sean gazed at her a moment, before continuing.

"It went well for a few weeks – really, really well. I was glad I had made the decision to leave. Then, things went downhill. It wasn't bad at first – Dad just went out for drinks a few nights a week with his friends. He only came back drunk once, but when he did, we got into a fight. He broke my wrist and sprained my ankle, and I dislocated his shoulder. He promised it wouldn't happen again.

"A month after that, he lost his job. Something about disorderly conduct in the work place. He started drinking at home, and my mom came home late every night. Dad started looking for a new job, and found one in retail, believe it or not. He had to go overnight to Alberta on a business assignment. My mom came home that night at midnight, and she wasn't alone.

"My dad's old boss was with her, and that night, I had to sleep on the couch. The noises coming from my room kept me awake and I ended up going over to my friend Jared's house. I couldn't stand looking at her anymore. A day later, when my dad came home, he somehow knew. Maybe his old boss called to gloat. Shit, maybe the old bitch told him herself. I still don't know. What I do know is that somehow it became my fault; my dad never could bring himself to hit her, so he took it out on me. He told me I should have stopped her, that I had failed him, I was a disappointment. I had to go to the hospital with a concussion, three broken ribs, a fractured tibia, and a broken arm."

Sean paused, his jaw set, and then spoke once more, "The next day, I came back."

Emma could only gaze at him, horror in her blue eyes.


	7. Nothing To You

**_Disclaimer:_** Still not mine. Still depressed because of that. Because Jake Epstein is a babe.

**_Author's Note:_** This one's for uname, who's been a great reviewer. Hope you enjoy this one. ;)

Ellie knocked on Craig's door without a moment's pause, shaking in the cold night air. She knew that her best friend had probably been asleep, but she couldn't bring herself to walk away. She had debated against coming here the whole walk, but knew that if she returned to Sean tonight, she would do something she regretted. She knocked again, a bit louder this time, ready to turn around and go to Marco's since no one seemed to be answering, but as she started to walk away, a tousle-haired Craig answered the door, blinking sleepily.

"El, what're you doing here?" he asked in a voice full of sleep, but came awake all at once when the redhead flung herself into his arms, crying fairly hard. Without another word, he gathered her into his embrace and guided her inside, shutting the door quietly behind him. Joey had come downstairs to see what the racket was, but with a signal from Craig, went back to his room. He had learned long ago that if Ellie showed up late crying, it was a good idea to let Craig handle it without interference from an adult.

"Ellie, sweetie, calm down and tell me what's going on," Craig said soothingly, still holding her tightly to both comfort and keep her warm. She hadn't stopped sobbing, though her cries had become quieter and slower paced. He ceased rubbing her back, sensing from the way her body had become less tense that she was ready to talk. True to his assumption, Ellie took a few deep breaths and calmed down, though her eyes remained puffy and red, a few tears still streaming down her face.

"He came home drunk again; he could barely stand up. I was going to do laundry, so I asked for any of his clothes. He yelled at me, and then threw them at me. I can't stay there tonight, Craig. Right now, I don't ever want to go back."

Craig was silent for a moment, letting her talk herself into silence and choke out a few more sobs, before replying, "Ellie, you know you can stay here if you need to. I can make up the garage, and you can have my room." Instead of verbally replying, Ellie responded by throwing her arms around Craig's neck, still crying a little bit. After the tears stopped again, Craig gave her a brief hug, and then moved a bunch of blankets from his bed; after making sure she was comfortable in his room, left her to herself. Ellie stared at the ceiling for awhile, trying to sort out all her thoughts, and eventually drifted into sleep.

_---Scene Change---_

Craig too was staring at the ceiling, but sleep was a long way off for him. Tomorrow was Saturday, and so it didn't matter when he got to sleep, and that was a luxury he appreciated at the moment. Ellie. His sweet, wonderful Ellie was in so much pain, and he wanted to kill Sean for putting her through it. Sean _knew_ that Ellie couldn't handle him being drunk night after night, so where did he get off acting exactly like Mrs. Nash? Craig just couldn't understand it, and that only made him angrier. _I would treat her so much better,_ he thought again, before punching a pillow. It didn't make sense to him, but then, it didn't have to. He couldn't do anything about it except be there for Ellie, and that he knew how to do.

_---Scene Change---_

Sean had walked Emma home, a great burden lifted off of his chest after telling her what had happened in Wasaga Beach. He was all but sober, but also alert enough to know he needed to find Ellie. Unfortunately, he knew exactly where she was, and that made him angry. _Does she have to go running to Music Boy whenever things don't go her way?_ Sean thought as he walked the dark streets to the Jeremiah residence, knocking loudly on the door. When no answer came, he made a fist and banged loudly, determined to take Ellie home with him.

Speaking of Ellie, she had just answered the door, her eyes red from crying and sleep. _Well, doesn't she look right at home?_ He thought angrily, his temper rising. The look of confusion on her face made it worse – she just _stood_ there, as though she couldn't for the life of her figure out why he would be standing at Craig Manning's door at one o'clock in the morning, glaring at her.

"Well, are you coming home or not?" he asked, his voice short and tense.

"No. I'm staying here," she replied, her voice calm, with just a hint of defiance underlying her serene tone. Sean's eyes narrowed even more; was she going to leave him for Craig? No! She couldn't _leave_ him, she was _his_ girlfriend!

"You're coming with me, Ellie. _Now!_" Sean yelled, grabbing onto her wrist and yanking her forward. Ellie screamed, one of her old cuts ripping open and beginning to bleed. She kicked at him, but she knew that no matter where she managed to hit him, he wouldn't let go.

All of a sudden, he did. One minute, he was trying to drag her out of the house, and the next, Sean was lying on the ground, his nose bleeding. Ellie turned to the right, to see Craig standing over him, his fist balled.

"Touch her again, Cameron, and I'll make sure you _can't_ get up," he threatened, before turning to Ellie. "Come on, let's get inside," he said softly, taking her arm and leading her back in the house to clean up the cut on her arm. The door closed behind them, leaving Sean locked out in the night air, seething at what had just happened.

_---Scene Change---_

"Ellie, I thought you said you weren't cutting anymore," Craig gently said as he put hydrogen peroxide on the cut, clearing away the blood, before applying Neosporin to a Band-aid and pressing it firmly over the open wound. Ellie looked down, shame filling her eyes.

"It was a couple weeks ago, when Sean and I had a really big fight. He pushed me into a wall, and then stormed out. I didn't know what else to do. I'm so sorry, Craig."

Craig was seeing red. "The bastard pushed you into a wall?" He stood up, making his way towards the bathroom door.

"Craig, where are you going?" Ellie cried, following him.

"I'm going to go kill him, where else do you think?" he asked, as though this was a perfectly normal thing to do on a daily basis.

"Please, don't. I need you here right now, not in jail. I'm scared, and I don't want to be alone," she responded softly, looking at the floor again. Craig immediately stopped, and returned to her side, and they both sat down on the couch, staring out the window, keeping an eye out for Sean. Ellie was tense, and Craig was pissed. It wasn't a good combination, and soon, Ellie excused herself to go back upstairs. She knew that if they stayed together at the moment, they too would get into a fight, and she couldn't handle that.

Craig watched her go, helpless rage etched on his face. He should have known. How could he not have known that his best friend had been hurt that way? And she had as good as made him promise he wouldn't seek revenge against Sean. How could she protect him? How could she _love_ someone who would hurt her that way, just because it made him feel better about himself? How could she love Sean, but not Craig? Craig, who had always been there for her, who had always tried to help her, and had never once hurt her? A wry smile passed over his face, sadness hidden behind his eyes, as he began to softly sing a line from a Vertical Horizon song: "I am everything you want, I am everything you need, I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be, I say all the right things at exactly the right time…" Here, his voice broke, but he forced the last line, the most important line out:

"_But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why..._"


	8. As Butterflies Flutter

**_Disclaimer:_** Not mine; don't sue. The most you'll get is my watermelon Push-pop, and I want it.

**_Author's Note:_ **I hope it doesn't seem like I'm anti-Sean; he's one of my favourite characters. And he will get better, I promise. Actually, he starts this chapter. Enjoy!

Emma awoke at two in the morning to the sound of someone tapping on her basement window. Manny stirred beside her, but didn't wake. The blonde rose from her bed carefully; who could be outside at this hour? She was a bit apprehensive that Jay had come to ask for her 'services', even though she had made it clear that there was nothing between them. The boy didn't seem to be able to accept that she had made a mistake, and would never touch him again. Still, she made her way towards the window, intent on telling Jay to get the hell away from her.

To her surprise, it was Sean standing outside, and he looked rather desperate. Still a bit startled, Emma immediately unlocked the window and helped him through it, motioning for him to keep quiet. He entered the room, his nose red and blood dried to his skin. Emma frowned, and taking his hand silently, walked upstairs into the kitchen. She picked up a washcloth and wet it, hoping that her mother wouldn't wake up.

"What happened?" she whispered, eyes concerned as she pressed the wet cloth to his nose, cleaning up the blood for him.

"I went to try to take Ellie home, and Craig punched me. I've known for awhile that he had a thing for her, but I didn't know that she felt the same way," he whispered back, a defeated look in his eyes. Emma's heart sank as she realized that no matter how messed up Sean was at the moment, he truly did care for Ellie.

"What's wrong, Sean?" Emma asked quietly, handing him an ice pack to keep the swelling down. Sean looked at her in confusion, obviously not knowing why he had been asked such a thing. Emma elaborated, "You've been treating Ellie so badly for months now. You ignore her, and when you do realize she's around any conversation you have is short and angry. You care about her, but you're driving her away. Why?"

He was quiet for a moment, staring at the floor. He _had_ been treating Ellie horribly, and in all honesty, he hadn't any idea why he had been. "I… don't know, Emma. I really, really don't. I don't want to be like this, but it just happens."

Emma watched him for a moment, before raising a slightly shaking hand to touch his shoulder, trying to give it a supportive squeeze. She wasn't going to interrupt him, even if it seemed like he had finished talking. In reality, she just didn't know what to say. Sean turned at her touch, and looked directly in her eyes.

"Emma, I need help."

_---Scene Change---_

Ellie heard the sound of thrashing downstairs, and decided that it was time to find out what was going on. She walked down the stairs and looked at the couch – Craig was flailing wildly from where he slept on the couch, his forehead drenched with sweat. Ellie was immediately at his side, her eyes wide.

"Craig! Craig, wake up, please, you have to wake up!" Ellie pleaded with him, shaking his arm as she knelt beside the couch, her tones upset. At her touch, Craig immediately stilled, before moving to take her hand in his, and seeming to fall into a deeper, more relaxed sleep.

Ellie stared at him, confused. What was she going to do now? Gently, she tried to ease her hand out from within his, but he gripped it tighter – not a painful grip, but a firm, _sure_ one, as though he had no doubt that this was where her hand should be. She sighed quietly, though secretly, she didn't mind in the least. It was comforting to know that someone needed her; Sean always seemed like it was _she_ who should be grateful that he gave her the time of day, and here Craig was, gripping her hand as though hanging onto her for dear life.

_Stop this nonsense_, she chastised herself, _you know very well that you're just lonely and upset, and it's not fair to Craig if you read something into an action he didn't even know he performed._ Still, Ellie couldn't completely suppress the butterflies that flitted in her stomach at his touch, try as she might. _Well, if I'm going to be stuck here, I might as well get comfortable_. With that thought, Ellie carefully moved from the floor to the couch above, resting her head on Craig's shoulder, and drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

_---Scene Change---_

Sean was far from peaceful at the moment – quite the opposite, he currently he had tears streaming down his cheeks. Emma had rarely seen him fall apart like this before; once after he had killed Rick, and once when he got the news that his grandfather's dog Schnuffle had died. It was scary to see him like this, so raw and vulnerable. All Emma wanted to do was take him in her arms, to comfort him, to make him realize just how much she loved him. It was painful to remind herself that he was not hers to soothe, but she couldn't think of that now. Sean needed her. _Her_. Not Ellie. Despite the harshness of the situation, Emma couldn't help but want to do a little dance.

"Sean, listen… I've been going to a really good therapist for my… my problem," Emma couldn't bring herself to say "eating disorder", but Sean understood anyway, "and I really think that she could help you. If you want, you could come to my therapy session tomorrow…just to see what it's like?" she hoped she hadn't gone too far in her question, as she knew that Sean often refused to talk about his problems. But, as he usually did, Sean surprised her.

"Will you be there?"

She blinked, "Of course I will."

"Then I'll go."


	9. The Face Behind My Eyelids

**_Disclaimer:_ **Well, I won the rights to Degrassi in a poker game after school, but then I had to sell them for rent money. I'm working on getting them back. Until then, _still _not mine. However, the psychic stereo is an off-take of my psychic Window's Media Player, and I happily own that.

**_Author's Note_**: Finally, the Sean/Ellie confrontation. I also apologize for the short chapters, I'm hoping that they'll eventually get longer. Also, a warning, this was written to RENT music, so it may be more depressing than necessary.

The empty apartment saw signs of life the next morning at around nine o'clock, when Sean left Emma's and returned home. He noted with immense disappointment that Ellie was still gone, but he knew better than to try to bring her home again. As much as he hated to admit it, all he could do was wait until she was ready to forgive him, and came back of her own free will. Sean sighed, pushing his hand over his hair, and letting his arm drop to his side. He didn't know what to do. He wanted so much to fix this; to make everything better, but he just couldn't find a way to heal all the words. Defeated, he hit the "play" button on his stereo, and the last few strains of Sum 41's "Noots" flooded the apartment:

"_I'll keep your promises if you take back everything I said…"_

Without warning, Sean let out a loud cry and unplugged the unit, his eyes suspiciously red. That damn psychic stereo, it got to him every time; he should have learnt his lesson by now. He would have gotten rid of that piece of junk long ago, but Ellie had wanted to keep it; she insisted that he would get a new one that was impossible to work, and she couldn't _live_ without her music. _But she can live without me easily, it seems_, he thought bitterly before hurling himself on the couch, staring blankly at the television before turning it on, flipping through the channels. There was nothing on but cartoons, but it didn't seem to bother Sean. He was up for some mind-numbing program that he could watch, but not become involved in. He didn't want to think at the moment; he didn't want to _feel_.

Still, after about fifteen minutes, he couldn't take the stillness that hung about the apartment like a funeral shroud. It was then he noticed that their (his?) home was a mess. _You _know_ I'm depressed when I pick up a vacuum_, Sean thought wryly as he pulled out the Hoover, and after picking up the bigger obstructions lying on the floor, began to run the vacuum across the carpet. It was only after the carpet was clean that he noticed how dirty the wood surfaces in the apartment were. Sighing, he picked up a can of _Pledge_ and a dust rag, and began to clean the wood. Next, figuring that he might as well go the whole nine yards having come this far, Sean cleaned the glass. And of course, after he dusted, he had to vacuum again, then mop the kitchen and attack the surfaces there. Still, by the time two o'clock rolled around, the apartment was spotless. And by the time two-thirty came, Ellie was still absent.

Out of ideas, Sean sat down in a clean living room to wait.

_---Scene Change---_

This morning had borne a lot of hasty and embarrassed explanations as Ellie and Craig simultaneously awoken to find their arms wrapped around each other, and their lips centimeters apart. After a mutual agreement to laugh it off and forget about it, they hung out in the basement, just _talking_. It was a different kind of conversation from the ones they usually had - this one consisted only of idle gossip, the kind that wouldn't have any effect on either of them no matter what. It was a safe direction to take it in, and didn't leave any time to discuss Ellie's current situation with Sean, or Craig's growing feelings for her. They didn't want to deal with any issues, and so they simply ignored them.

Finally, their stomachs ordered them to get food, and instead of heading to the Dot as per the norm, Ellie decided that _she_ was going to make lunch, and that it would be both hamburgers _and_ hot dogs, with French fries.

In a few minutes, it became apparent that this was _extremely_ optimistic for the girl who could barely make toast without setting something on fire, and after Craig smelled smoke not once, but _three_ times from the kitchen, he ordered his best friend out and informed her she wasn't allowed to go in there unsupervised again. Pouting, but knowing that he had a point, Ellie sat on the couch and, smirking to herself, put on the Disney movie _Pocahontas_. Hearing the dialogue over the sound of himself making macaroni and cheese, Craig groaned loudly and pretended to be throwing up from the silliness of it all, before walking out and sitting next to Ellie, handed her their unburned and edible lunch.

"You're going to make someone a _great_ wife someday," she teased him, ruffling his hair as he grabbed her arm, careful not to pull at the bandage that was covering the re-opened cut, and tickled her side. Ellie squealed and pretended to stick her fork up his nose, jumping away from his wiggling fingers. She tripped over one of Angela's shoes that had been left in the way; Craig reached to steady her, but instead pulled her to him, her face painfully close to his.

There were a few seconds where neither were sure what was going to happen. Then, as one, they both leaned forward just a millimeter; their lips hadn't even touched when Ellie pulled away, her eyes wide.

"Craig, what were we just going to do?" she demanded, as though he were ultimately responsible for her actions. Craig just stared at her, at a loss for words. Ellie glanced away, the awkwardness spreading through her body like a heat wave. "I…I have to go," she whispered, and grabbing her bag, ran out the door, leaving Craig staring after her.

_---Scene Change---_

Ellie slowed her pace as soon as she reached the end of the block; she knew it was time to go home, but she didn't want to arrive too quickly. She knew she could face Sean, but the feeling of fear had settled in her stomach after thinking about what had happened between them. What would he think of the fact that eve after Craig had hit him, she had remained at his house? For that matter, what did _she_ think of that? It seemed awfully cold-hearted to her, but at the same time, she had felt safe there with Craig; safer than she had in months. There was more chemistry and heat between them in the kiss that almost happened than had existed between herself and Sean in months. Ellie was so tired of pretending to be happy with him.

She knew, deep down, that she wasn't being fair though. There was something obviously very wrong with Sean, and she couldn't just give up on him because he was having a hard time. He had been there for her when she _really_ needed him, though admittedly, he had left soon thereafter. Still, Ellie couldn't - no, _wouldn't_ just pack up and call it quits. She would be there for him, come what may. She owed him.

Without realizing it, she had made it to the apartment complex. She trudged up the stairs, opened the door to the apartment, and gasped. It was spotless, and there was Sean sitting on the couch, looking forlorn and lost. She took a deep breath.

"We need to talk."

_---Scene Change---_

Okay, perhaps Ellie could have chosen a different way to express her desire of communication, but it all worked out in the end. After spending ten minutes convincing Sean she did _not_ want to break up, the two sat down and hashed out all their problems. It took over two hours to really _talk_ things out - Sean told Ellie the story of Wasaga Beach, and she in turn told him how worthless and unloved she had felt ever since he came back. They both promised to try harder. Sean and Ellie fell asleep in each other's arms that night, knowing that their happily ever after was possible once again.

Or…almost. When Ellie closed her eyes, it wasn't Sean's arms that she imagined holding her. And when she reached up to play with his hair, she was disappointed to find the flat, straight, thin hair instead of rough curls.

She missed Craig. But maybe now that she and Sean had gotten things out in the open, she would stop feeling so needy and desperate for positive attention. It would be like nothing ever happened, and she and Sean never fell out.

Things would get better from here.


	10. Anywhere But Here

**_Disclaimer:_** If Degrassi were mine…well, let's face it, I'd still write fanfics. Anyway, I don't own Degrassi, I just twist its characters to suit my whims. Ahahaha…

**_Author's Note: _**I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Ellie finally becomes the fiery redhead we all know she's capable of being. I'm proud to say this is my first chapter that is over 2000 words. Those who've been waiting for Sean to _really _get his, enjoy!

**_Warning:_** There's a bit of explicit language in this chapter. I feel it's necessary even if I don't like writing it. I hope it doesn't offend anyone, but to tone it down would take away from the power of the situation.

Craig felt very, very empty. It had been a month since Ellie arrived at his house in the middle of the night, crying as though her heart was broken. It had been twenty-nine days since they had almost kissed, and she had run from the very place she had sought sanctuary in. It had been twenty-seven days since Sean and Ellie had walked into the halls of Degrassi, wrapped around each other like they had never been apart. It had been twenty-seven days since Craig felt his dreams shatter, and since Emma had run into the music room in tears, having just spotted the couple.

Twenty-seven days changed a lot. He had lost his best friend, or at least felt their bond lessened, and had become closer with Emma. He had re-modeled his room, re-painted the garage, and started on a new song. Emma too had felt the changes of her life; Sean hadn't come to her again after that night, and whether or not he was going to counseling, he seemed much improved. He was always smiling, with Ellie always beside him. The two seemed happier than ever, and Emma wouldn't interfere with that.

The first day of Emma and Craig's friendship, they had joked around about ways to break Ellie and Sean up. Of course, they knew it would never come to that, because they loved their friends too much to make them unhappy. They would simply have to suck it up and bear it, and be grateful for the time they _did_ have with the two. Ellie was perfectly normal around Emma, and they were both surprised to find that they were becoming fast friends. Sean, however, still shot Craig what Emma had dubbed his "Why Won't You Just _Die_" look, and it was obvious that Craig hadn't been forgiven for punching him out. Craig couldn't care less.

On this particular Saturday, Craig and Emma were sitting in her basement/bedroom, talking about Manny's newest fling with a new grade eleven named John. Emma thought that she was just lonely, and using the new boy to keep herself busy, and Craig didn't have much of an opinion; he didn't care about Manny in a lovey-dovey way, but she was still a sore subject for him. Emma recognized this at once, and changed the subject quickly.

"So, have you heard much out of Ellie lately?" she queried softly, knowing that Sean had completely cut her out of his life except for when the four hung out as a group. Emma still wasn't sure how she felt about this; she loved him, but she didn't want to be given the temptation to try to take him from Ellie. Craig immediately hung his head, and the blonde knew that this was an eve less unwelcome line of questioning.

"No… No, she's always with Sean, and I don't want to cause problems with the two of them," he responded quietly.

"Bullshit, of course you do. But you won't, you're too good of a person," she countered, smirking.

"Emma, no. I mean, I won't deny that I wouldn't love it if Ellie realized she really wanted to be with me, but that's not going to happen. She's made her choice, and it wasn't me. I don't want to keep hurting myself anymore by trying to convince myself that she really wants me. It's not healthy, and…I just…I can't, Emma. I just can't stand to see her with him…" Craig's voice trailed off, throwing a pillow over his face in exasperation. "I wonder what they're doing right now," he spoke again, after a moment.

"I don't know," Emma replied wistfully, "but I bet whatever it is, they're having more fun than we are."

_---Scene Change---_

"Then why don't you get the _fuck_ out of my apartment?" Sean screamed at Ellie, who for once held her ground and didn't try to calm the situation down. It was the fifth fight in two days, the twentieth fight in two weeks, and the thirty-seventh fight of the month, and Ellie was fed up with everything.

"_Your_ apartment? You son of a bitch, who's been making the payments for the last _four months_? Who was supposed to get a job to pay his half? Who the _hell_ is a pathetic fucking _loser_?" she paused a minute, then smirked cruelly, her dark hazel eyes almost black with anger and malice. "Here's a hint Sean, if the questions are too hard for you - the answers are me, you, and you!"

Sean pounded the table with his fist as Ellie stared him down; he refused to feel intimidated, even though the redhead, when in a fury, was the scariest damn thing he had ever seen. Ellie didn't get mad often, but when she did… shit, it was worse than a pissed off policeman, of which he had seen plenty. "Just shut up for once, you're always fucking _talking _and you never say anything. I'm sick of you acting like my Goddamn mother!"

Ellie laughed again, the same rage in her tone and eyes. "I never say anything, huh? I never _say_ anything? Well, I'll say this, Sean Cameron: get the hell out."

He stared at her, then laughed as well. "You can't kick me out. My name is on the lease." He crossed his arms for effect, assuming his _"You can't make me if I don't want to"_ stance.

To his surprise, Ellie mimicked his tough-guy pose, a triumphant fire dancing in her eyes. "Guess again. You left for Wasaga. I had the name on the lease changed, since I would be making the payments."

Sean gaped. Ellie spoke again.

"Pack your things and get out."

"But Ellie, where am I supposed to go?"

"I don't care. Not anymore. Nothing's changed after you promised it would. You have two choices, Sean. One: pack up, get out, and stay the hell away from me. Two: I call the police and show them the two pretty little bruises on my arm, and the one on my stomach. I'm sure they'd be ecstatic to have a real reason to keep you locked up." Her tone was controlled and steady, though the sadness she felt deep down was evident in her eyes.

"Ellie, please… Ellie, I'm so sorry. I've been trying…" he whispered, and though she knew that it was partly true (rather, he _thought_ it was true, which was almost the same thing), she couldn't take it anymore.

"Yes, you have been. You've been very trying. Just.. Sean, just go."

He sighed in defeat, and went into their - _her_ bedroom to pack. An hour later, he was at the door, still watching her with disappointment. "Ellie, I'm so sorry. I'm going. But just know I'm sorry." With that, he turned and walked out.

"I know…" Ellie whispered after him and sank down on the couch, finally allowing herself to lose her composure, tears flowing down her cheeks.

_---Scene Change---_

Craig had been gone for a few hours when Emma once again heard the sound of tapping on her window. Only half-awake, she got up and unlocked it, not bothering to look at who it would be entering her room. It was only when he sat down beside her on her bed that Emma's brain computer that Sean Cameron was once again existing in her room, eyes full of desperation.

"What do you want?" she inquired tonelessly, noting his disheveled appearance with a moue of distaste.

"Me 'n Ellie fought," he answered in the same monotone voice, as though he couldn't be bothered about it anymore.

"What'd you do to her?" Emma's tone became polite, as though it were a perfectly reasonable question to ask of her ex-boyfriend.

"Why does everyone always _fucking_ assume that I'm the one who started it?" Sean yelled in frustration, though he didn't have any real anger in the question.

"You usually do," she answered bluntly, though her voice indicated that he should go on.

"We've been having problems for a month. I mean, even after we talked it out. I really have tried to get better, but she's always trying to _control_ what I do. It's always 'where are you going?' 'when are you coming home?' 'why aren't you Craig? Jesus, I told you to be Craig next time I saw you, why are you still Sean and not Craig'!" he exclaimed. "I can't be what she wants, Emma. I can't _be_ Craig, and that disappoints her. She gets angry, I get angry, she screams at me, I push her… We're just not happy together, Emma. We've both known it for a long time."

"So, why are you here then?" There was no accusation or suspicion in her voice; only a gentle soothing that Sean had longed to hear for so long - the sound that someone, _any_one understood.

"She kicked me out."

"_What!"_ It was Emma's turn to shout; she hadn't expected that, and it certainly made her a little angry. She knew, in all honesty, that Ellie had reason to, but still… it was Sean. It was her Sean, and she was fiercely protective of him, no matter how much of a bastard he was. "Sean, where are you going to go? Not to Jay!" she added, glaring at him.

"I don't know, Emma. I really don't. I don't know what to do."

"Stay here. My mom and Archie won't care. Manny practically lives at Marco's anyway, so it's not like you'll be imposing."

There was a pause, then Sean grinned wryly. "Will you be here?"

She noticed the echo of his words when she entreated him to go to therapy with her, and smiled back, changing her response, "I'll always be here, Sean."

He kissed her.

_---Scene Change---_

Craig still felt empty. He loved hanging with Emma, but Ellie was Ellie, and Emma wasn't. He missed his redheaded best friend everyday, and somehow wished he could communicate to her just how meant she meant to him. Still….there was Sean. There was _always_ Sean, and he had the dismal feeling that there would always _be_ Sean. It wouldn't change. Nothing with Sean ever changed. The phone rang suddenly, startling him out of his melancholy thoughts. "Hello?"

"…Craig, I need you."

Twenty minutes later, Craig was at Ellie's apartment, knocking on the door. It opened slightly, and when Ellie saw who was there, she opened it fully. Her eyes were red, and she had obviously been crying. Craig had a feeling of deja-vu, though he shoved aside his misgivings and immediately embraced Ellie, who had surprisingly not shed a tear for the past hour. She was determinedly calm, almost eerily so.

"What's going on?' he immediately asked as the two sat on the couch, the feeling of awkwardness that had been present at his arrival already dissipated. Ellie launched into the story of the latest fight, which had started over something trivial and escalated into the blow-out that had occurred.

"And then I kicked him out," she concluded, her voice defiant as though she dared him to be critical.

"It's about damn time," was Craig's only response. Ellie let out a noise that was half-laugh, half-sob, and leaned into his embrace once more, the two just sitting there, being them. It was all either needed at the moment, and all they knew how to do. After ten minutes of silently existing, Craig spoke softly once more.

"Ellie…We need to talk."


	11. Came To Say Goodbye Love Part1

**_Disclaimer:_** insert clever way to say I still don't own Degrassi here

**_Author's Note:_** So… I wonder how many people are going to hate me for this chapter? Sorry it's so short, but I wanted to get this statement in before I went to bed. Part two will probably be just as short, and will be the Craig/Ellie discussion.

Sean leaned in, enjoying the kiss, when he found himself on the floor, Emma glaring angrily at him. "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" she cried, breathing heavily and fuming. Sean decided to try to be funny.

"Why, I do believe I was kissing you, Miss Nelson."

"What what made you think I'd want you kissing me?" Emma yelled, looking as though she'd like nothing better than to slap him around. Her long hair fell in her face, and she brushed it aside angrily, waiting for Sean to explain himself. He was at a loss, and he didn't know what to say.

"I don't know, Emma. I wanted to kiss you, so I did. And the way you acted last time I was here, I didn't think you'd be protesting much," he shot back, feeling embarrassed, confused, and starting to get mad. What was with the girls in his life lately? Ellie had turned into a freak, Emma was acting completely strange, and for all he knew, tomorrow Paige would show up and try to seduce him. It would figure, the way things had gone lately.

"That was a month ago, Sean. You've turned into even more of a jerk since then. You forget, Ellie and I hang out. I've seen the bruises on her arm. I love you Sean, but I'm not interested in being in an abusive relationship, thanks all the same."

Sean didn't know what had happened here. It all went from being fine and dandy, to going to hell. How had it come to this? Were _all _his friendships with women doomed to fail? What was wrong with all the girls he knew?

"Emma…"

"No, Sean. I won't be second best. I will not be with you because you can't be with her. Yes, I love you; yes, I probably always will. But I'm not going to hang around and wait for you to grow up," she replied, kindly but firmly. "I'll go tell my parents you're staying here. You can have the guest bedroom."

And with that, she was gone. Sean sank down onto her bed once more, more confused than ever.


	12. Eyes of Hazel

**_Disclaimer:_** I do not own Degrassi. I do, however, own a very cute puppy named Kaylee. She is adorable.

**_Author's Note:_** I'm sooo sorry for not updating sooner! I've finally finished my math class, so I'll have the next two weeks to type up the chapters. I should have at least one update a day (but I am rather busy still, and lazy to top, so I won't make any promises).

Ellie sat on the couch, feeling very much like a little girl that was sent to the principal's office for being naughty in class. Her hazel eyes seemed almost black with worry, though the shadows cast from the dull lamp contributed to their dark pigmentation. When Ellie got nervous, she had to do something with her hands, and since Craig always knew what rubbing her wrists meant, she contented herself with braiding her hair. She had put perhaps five or six sections in miniscule braids so far, and still Craig was silent. He just sat across from her, watching her as though she was a mildly interesting insect who had caught his attention for the moment. Finally, Ellie had had enough.

"Craig, are you going to say something, or are you just going to sit there and examine me?" she snapped, her nerves stretched thin. She had little patience anymore; the fight with Sean, the crying, the sudden stress lifted from her shoulders after ordering Sean out had exhausted her, and she couldn't deal with anything as well as she used to. Every nerve ending in her was screaming for her to press a razor against her skin, but she knew she couldn't. That was the frustrating part. It had been one thing when Ellie thought that her cutting was something personal, something that wasn't "hurting" anyone except her. But when Craig had broken down at the sight of her bloody arms, even crying and telling her that he didn't want to lose her, she knew it had to stop. Ellie had always resented those who made her "promise that you won't cut again", but with Craig, she knew it was truly out of fear for her. He didn't want to control her, or feel like he was the one who "saved" her – he wanted her around for another five years.

There was only silence after her question, though Craig's expression darkened slightly at her tone. She felt a small fear grip her heart; what if he had come to tell her that he couldn't handle being her friend anymore, that he was sick of being the one she ran to when she needed someone, that he just wouldn't do it anymore? Panic rose in her throat, but she forced it down, maintaining her blank expression, with only a smidge of polite inquiry on her face. Inside, Ellie was screaming for him to say something – anything, at this point…even if it was goodbye. Finally, he cleared his throat.

"God, you're beautiful."

Ellie blinked. Out of all the things she had been expecting, that little sentence had never entered her head. Suddenly, Ellie was tired of playing these games. She realized Craig wasn't going to actually start the dialogue, and that meant it was up to her.

"Craig, listen. You said you wanted to talk, but all you've done is sit here, staring at me. Please, will you just talk to me? Tell me what you wanted to say?" Ellie hated how pleading her voice was, but she was getting confused. He looked morose and doom-ridden one minute, and the next he was telling her she was beautiful. She didn't know what was going on, and she certainly wasn't in control of the situation, and God, all she really wanted to do was kiss Craig, but that would be such a stupid thing to do because she just _knew_ he was here to tell her that there was nothing between them and he couldn't even stand the sight of her anymore and now she _needed_ that razor against her skin and damn, was she hyperventilating? She was hyperventilating and –

"Ellie!"

She gasped, letting air into her lungs, and staring at Craig wide-eyed. He had left his chair and was kneeling in front of her, hands tight on her wrists, though his grip did not hurt. He started at her, eyes widened in concern. "Ellie, it's okay, just breathe. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you. I just…this is hard for me, okay? I don't really know how to begin."

Ellie just sat there, trying to calm down and get her heart rate back to normal. She had been too damn jumpy lately, but maybe with Sean out of the house, it could be okay again. _She_ could be okay again. Finally, she looked up at Craig, and nodded, letting him know that she had control again. He nodded back, looking just as nervous as she was.

"Ellie, listen…I… I – do you remember that day, a month ago, when we almost kissed, and you ran out of the house?" he saw her nod again, and continued. "I wanted nothing more than for that kiss to have happened. I hate how Sean treats you, and I hate how you just sit there and take it." Ellie started to protest, but he held up a hand to silence her. "No, you sit there and take it. And I know why now."

She was glaring at this point. "Oh, really? Why don't you enlighten me?"

"It's because he's safe. Sean will always be there because he doesn't _really_ love you." Craig winced, seeing her shocked and hurt expression at those words. But he knew he couldn't stop now. He had kept silent long enough, and she didn't need to be coddled anymore. She was always insisting she was a big girl, and could handle things. It was time to take her up on that. "I'm not trying to hurt you El, but it's the truth. Think about it. No matter how angry Emma made him (and you know she pissed him off more than you do), he never once hit her. He barely even raised his voice to her; I can only remember a few occasions he actually yelled at her. If he loved you, he wouldn't hurt you the way he does. He wouldn't do it just because he can."

"Why are you telling me this?" Ellie whispered, tears forming in her eyes. She knew it was the truth of course, she'd always known. But they both knew there was a difference between knowing something, and realizing that other people knew it too. Craig's reply was hesitant, and almost inaudible. But Ellie heard it.

"Because I love you so much."

Then there was silence. Craig had told her he loved her before, but this declaration was much different from the others. The others had been teasing, friendly announcements – _This is my best friend and I loves her. This is my best friend Ellie. I love her very much. Thanks Ellie, I love you!_ All the phrases swam in her head, and she knew that there could be no comparison between the rest of them, and this one. The words, _"I know you love me, you're my best friend,"_ were fighting to get out of her mouth, but she knew they would just hurt him; he would know she was acting stupid on purpose, and it would drive him away.

"Craig… I can't. It's not that – I mean… Craig…"

She hated herself for only being able to offer him those fragmented words, but her throat and closed up, her mind closed down. It was not that she doubted him, and that frightened him. She had heard others tell her that they loved her – were _in_ love with her – before, but the sheer sincerity of his statement frightened her. She just couldn't think.

"I know. You don't have to tell me," his voice sounded so defeated, that she reached out to him, and gently kissed him. It wasn't anymore than a peck, but it was enough to make Craig's head jerk up to look at her, hope in his eyes.

"No, listen to me. It's not that I – Craig, I don't know _how_ to love anyone right now. I'm scared to. I don't trust anyone; you know that. I don't trust anyone, but I trust you, and that scares the shit out of me. I can't be with anyone right now. Maybe not for awhile." She tried to control her shaking voice, keep it firm and understanding. Craig also tried to control his face; he knew how hard it was for her to do this, because he was beginning to realize that she _did_ care about him.

"I understand, I really do. I lo – care about you Ellie, and I'm willing to wait. Even if it does take awhile." He smiled at her, though it wavered.

"Craig… Just because I can't love you the way you want me to doesn't mean I don't love you the best way I know how." It was an attempt to offer some comfort, and though it wasn't much, it was all she could give. They both knew it, and it was enough.

"I know, Ella-belle. I know."


	13. Came To Say Goodbye Love Part2

**_Disclaimer:_** If I owned Degrassi… I'd be rich. Wouldn't that be cool?

**_Author's Note:_** One of my best friends made me read his first chapter of his fan fiction, and it made me feel woefully inadequate. This is an update to get my self-esteem back, so reviews would be wonderful. Make me happy again!

Emma sat on the bed in the guest room, which would soon turn into her ex-boyfriend's living space. Her parents had given the okay, and she couldn't rescind her offer now. Emma felt trapped in her own house; though she knew it was the after effects of pushing Sean away, she felt vaguely sick. Deep in her heart, the blonde teenager knew that what had happened may very well have been her last chance to connect with Sean, to let him know that she wanted him back in her life… in her heart. Still, Christine Nelson-Simpson hadn't raised no fool for a daughter, and Emma was damn determined not to be a rebound. Even if it meant that she and Sean were done forever, well, that was just the way it would have to be. She had been used in the past by none other than Sean's best friend, and it was not something she was ever going to repeat. Emma didn't like feeling worthless.

Still, it was a loss, and a great one for her. Losses were meant to be mourned, and for at least five minutes, Emma lay curled up on the bed, sobbing as though her heart were broken. Though Sean was a main reason, she cried for many reasons. Even as Sean sat in her basement, she was sure Ellie had summoned Craig to what was now her apartment and she was even surer that he had confessed his feelings for her. Emma knew that if they were not together at the moment, they soon would be. Just like that, two of her closest friends were gone, doomed (Emma was feeling rather melodramatic at the moment) to be wrapped up in the other's arms for God knows how long.

Why, they would leave poor little Emma out in the cold, friendless, dying inside more by the second. She would go to the animal shelter three days a week eventually, and adopt every cat there. Spike and Snake would kick her out; she would move into the abandoned house at the other side of town with her darling little fluffy keys (I.E., kitties) and pick food out of garbage cans. She'd be a crazy cat lady at the tender age of seventeen, and it would be entirely Ellie, Craig, and Sean's fault! Well, she just hoped they were pleased with themselves, making her so devastatingly miserable like that.

Jesus, she needed to get more sleep.

After her somewhat (as in, extremely) delusional mental tirade, Emma couldn't help but laugh at herself. She really was overreacting; sure, Ellie and Craig might eventually get together, but they'd still all hang out like usual. And Sean…well… Sean wasn't something she was able to think about yet. Not without wanting to divulge in another fantasy involving her untimely demise at the hands of a rabid cat named Fribjits, at least. Still, she'd have to face Sean sooner or later – he _would_ be living there, after all. Damn her and her soft spot for hot, emotionally unavailable guys who had full, pouty lips and soft blonde hair.

Why had she stopped him from kissing here again?

Oh, right. Not wanting to be the rebound.

Damn morals.

_---Scene Change---_

It had been half an hour since Emma had done a credible imitation of a bat out of hell and bolted from her room. Sean had used that half hour to refrain from smashing things, and to try to sort things out. It had been different when Ellie told him he had problems. Ellie had problems too, and Ellie had no place to tell _him_ to get help. But Emma knew him better than anyone, and wouldn't fling words at him just to hurt him, which is what Sean thought Ellie had been doing the entire time. Emma had no reason to want to make him miserable; they had reconciled after all, and had started from zero. Emma didn't lie to him.

What _was_ wrong with him anyway? Now that everything was quiet, and he was truly thinking about it, Sean realized that there truly was a problem. He couldn't justify what he had done to Ellie, but he couldn't understand _why_ he had done it either. One minute, they were just yelling, and the next, he had hit her. Sean didn't _want_ to hit her; didn't want to turn into his father, his mother, didn't want any part of it. But the psychiatrist hadn't helped in the least; things had only gotten worse, if the truth be told. He didn't know what was going on, and when Sean got confused, he got mad.

Still, all the other times before when he had problems, Emma had been by his side, ready to offer any kind of help that he wanted (or didn't want, for that matter). He wasn't so sure that was the case anymore. He kept screwing up, and screwing up, and he didn't know if he had anymore chances with her, friendship or otherwise. Or even for her just to be there for him. He was all too aware of just how badly he had fucked things up this time, because he couldn't control himself. _It's too bad I was such a jerk to Craig_, he mused, _or I could ask him if I'm bi-polar_.

The thought hit him like a ton of bricks. What if that was the truth? What if there was something _really_ wrong with him like that? How could he ever find out? Maybe he needed medication, or maybe they'd just lock him up in an insane asylum and he'd never get the chance to apologize to Emma to tell her that he really did lo – care about her. He couldn't make amends to Ellie, to wish her luck with Craig. After all, it was only a matter of time now before those two were together. The thought made him sadder than he had expected.

He had cared about Ellie. There even was a time when he thought he loved her, but when he saw Emma the next day, that thought had been cleared away. Somehow, the two of them had always known he loved Emma, and Ellie was just someone to distract him until it came back to Emma again. Maybe Ellie had thought she could change his mind, or that he'd love her in time. Maybe not. Maybe Ellie really thought he did love her. He couldn't be sure, and he didn't have the heart to ask anymore. It would be like kicking a puppy. Sean wasn't sure which one of them would be the puppy being kicked. He didn't want to know whether she had ever loved him either. If he felt this upset about her being with Craig, he didn't know how he'd handle knowing the truth about her affections for him.

Sean knew it was hypocritical of him. He hadn't been in love with Ellie, but he wanted her to have been in love with him. Maybe he was as selfish as everyone thought him to be. Or maybe he was just lonely. He needed to think that someone loved him; Emma obviously didn't. The pure disgust in her eyes had startled him, though maybe that was a good thing. It had been her eyes that had stopped him cold, made him realize that maybe he hadn't been right in feeling misunderstood and victimized here.

He needed to talk to Spike; he felt she'd understand that he needed help. Sean was fairly certain that Emma kept her mother updated on the things that had happened; it had always been that way. And if anyone would know what to do, it would be Spike. She could schedule him a doctor's appointment. If the problem turned out to be chemical, like Craig's bi-polar disorder, then it was treatable. He could go back to being Sean Hope Cameron, not this raging monster that had been unearthed lately. He didn't like feeling this way. He didn't like seeing the look of horror and revulsion in the eyes of the girl he loved. He needed those eyes to look at him with compassion and understanding, and maybe someday, with love again. He needed those eyes desperately, along with the girl they belonged to.

Sean only hoped someday, he would be able to tell Emma that.


	14. In Which Mondays Are Hated

**_Disclaimer:_** I finally own Degrassi! Granted, it's only because I wrote "Degrassi is mine" on notebook paper…so maybe I don't legally own it, but in spirit, I do!

**_Author's Note:_** Okay, I'm here to shamelessly advertise for my friend's fan fiction. It's not a Degrassi one; it's a mix of Battle Royale, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Masque of the Red Death. It's _really _good however; I beta read for it. Check out his profile, his username is Fribjits. Also, he's in my Favourite Author's section of my own profile.

Monday came more quickly than any of the four teenagers wanted. Though Craig and Ellie were closer than ever, they weren't sure how to handle their "I know we have to stay friends, but I really just want to kiss you" feelings for the other. And Sean and Emma hadn't spoken since the former appeared in the latter's room, even though the Nelson-Simpson residence wasn't considered big, or easy to hide in. Still, the two had managed to avoid each other completely, much to the amusement of Spike and Snake, who wouldn't have interfered in this matter if their lives depended on it. They had, however, spoken seriously to Sean about his anger problems, and what would not be tolerated under their roof. While they did not request that he end his friendship with Jay, they let him know in no uncertain terms that he was not to be allowed in the house, and no drugs or alcohol of any kind were to be used while Sean lived with them. Sean readily agreed to all these terms.

Sean still wasn't sure what was wrong with him, though the violent mood swings had dwindled down to flashes of irritation at appropriate times, with appropriate responses. He had been on guard constantly however; he would rather die himself than ever hurt Emma.

Ellie dreaded school for another reason. She had a meeting with Sauve, and the scars on her wrist from her encounters with her razor after the fights with Sean still hadn't faded from an angry red. She knew that the counselor wouldn't be angry with her, but she feared that with every session she came to with new scars, it was just that much closer to being reported – "for her own good", of course. Ellie knew that she was bound by the law to report these things if she didn't show improvement, but then, she was also supposed to report abuse, which was why Ellie hadn't informed her of the situation with Sean, thus explaining why she had cut in the first place.

Emma was quite happy with avoiding Sean, and wanted to keep it up. School would shatter the strained serenity her life had taken on since she put it in her pretty blonde head that Sean Hope Cameron simply did not exist, and she didn't know whether she'd be able to get it back after today. Still, when Emma was damn determined to get through something without a hair out of place, even Paige Michalchuk couldn't put on a better performance. Her head would be raised high today, the three classes that she had with Sean wouldn't fuss her in the least. Just because he would be in her presence throughout the day didn't mean that she simply wasn't delusional, and making up his existence. And that was the way she intended to think of it. He was a figment of her over-active imagination.

Craig didn't have a reason to avoid school, other than the fact it had been an extremely long weekend, and he didn't want to get up at an ungodly hour to go somewhere he didn't feel like going in the first place.

_---Scene Change---_

"Emma!"

Well, _fuck_.

The voice was instantly recognizable, and without glancing back or even hesitating, Emma sped up her footsteps. It was only ten more feet to the bathroom, where she wouldn't be followed, just walk faster just walk faster, don't look back Emma…

"_Emma!_" Suddenly, the voice was beside her, blocking her way, not allowing her to escape. "Emma, please. Are you mad at me?"

Damn it all, she hated that pleading voice. She slowed down, before stopping and turning. "Ellie, I'm just stressed. I don't want to deal with anything today, or anyone."

"You too, huh? I almost didn't come today, and I'm regretting it already," Ellie replied, her voice understanding and a little bit depressed. "Meeting with Sauve didn't go too well, and I'm not in the mood for classes."

"Same. I don't want to deal with… well, you know. And he's in my first, third, and last class of the day."

Ellie smiled wryly at Emma's choice of words. "So, you too have joined the 'Speak not the name' club?"

"What?"

"Think about it, Em. Craig won't say Ashley's name. Manny won't say Craig's name. Paige refuses to talk about Spinner, and you'd have more luck teaching a horse to tap-dance than to get Alex to utter Jay's name. You and I won't say…well… _his_ name. Pretty soon, everyone will be referring to every other person in school as _him_ or _her_."

"We are a pretty pathetic bunch, aren't we El?" Emma replied, the dry grin on Ellie's face mirrored by her own expression. "You'd think we didn't know how to deal with reality." The second statement made them both laugh a little, though sadness was in the normally happy sound.

"So, you up for skipping?"

"'Course."

"Good."

The two walked out of Degrassi together, not knowing where they were headed, but not bothered by that fact. Another day to escape the real world was too precious to ignore.

_---Scene Change---_

"Mr. Manning, would you _please_ pay attention?"

Craig knew that Simpson had reached the end of his patience for his daydreaming when he heard his surname being employed, and offered an apologetic smile in return. "Sorry Mr. S, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, and I'm kind of zoning out."

Mr. Simpson continued his lecture on coding and C, but Craig couldn't focus. He hadn't seen Ellie since she left to go to her before school meeting with Sauve, and now Emma was MIA as well. Sean kept looking at him as though he might know where Ellie or Emma (Craig wasn't sure which one he was wondering about) was. Finally, Sean mouthed the word _"Emma?"_ to Craig, who merely responded with a shrug. Disappointed, Sean turned back to Simpson, who was now assigning a research paper.

Craig walked into his next class, English, expecting to ask Ellie where their blonde friend was. All he was greeted by was an empty desk next to him, and a sinking feeling. Because Craig was a semi-intelligent boy, he pretty much put the pieces of the whole situation together. Ellie was known only to ditch if something went wrong in her life that she didn't want to deal with, such as a bad session with Sauve. Emma was no mystery if Ellie was gone; it was fact that Emma couldn't deal with Sean at the moment, and who better to understand that than the young redhead?

Still, Craig couldn't help but feel a little hurt that Ellie had chosen Emma over him to leave with. Usually, it would be the two of them hanging out at the Dot, or at Craig's house, just being them. It was a kick in the stomach to realize that perhaps Ellie didn't need him as much as she used to. Still, he also realized it was a positive move for her. She was branching out, becoming close with a female, the first female since Ashley left that she had really trusted. Alex, he knew, had been a friendship of convenience, and there was no real connection between them. But Ellie and Emma had something to bond over and even though it was something as irritating to him as Sean, he was glad for his best friend. Emma was a great girl, though she did have a tendency to lean towards the melodramatic. Ellie was straightforward and blunt to the point of being thought rude and bitchy; while Emma had done a completely 360º since grade nine and now shrouded everything she said in double meanings, and one had to search for hidden words in her normally open sentences.

Well, he didn't know where the two girls had gone, but by lunch, he had thought of excuses to tell the teachers (he had Ellie or Emma in all of his classes, though only both of them in first hour) when asked where they were. Ellie had gone home sick before first period, and had not thought to get an excused note from the office. Emma hadn't come to school at all; she was sick too, with a 104º fever. Neither Spike nor Snake knew she had stayed home, since they both left earlier than she did for work, and she was too sick to call.

_They had better be grateful for this_, he mused. _And they better be having a good time._

_---Scene Change---_

One person who was not having a good time was Sean Cameron. He was extremely annoyed, for more reasons than one. First and foremost, Emma had decided that he was a non-person, and he never knew how to deal with being ignored (which, coincidentally, Emma knew, which was why she was probably pretending he was dead in the first place). Secondly, in a week there was a big MI project due, and he didn't know where to start. Sure, he could have asked Snake as soon as he got home from school, but that would be admitting that he needed help, and Sean never could do that. It was hard enough that he'd have to ask Spike to take him to a doctor soon, but reality did press upon him, and he knew that his own health (mental, physical, chemical, whatever it was doing this to him) was much more important than not asking for help. Sean was dumb, but not stupid.

Ellie wasn't here either, and that _really_ irritated him, since he had this whole elaborate apology he had planned to issue to him. Though, being a bit less bright when it came to connecting the dots than Craig was, he didn't put together that A) Emma was missing, B) Ellie was missing, and C) being friends, the two would more than likely be together. Sean was good with cars, but not so good with human behavior. Still, he figured that sooner or later she'd have to show up, even if it was next week, and he could talk to her then. As much as he cared about Ellie (he really did, even though he didn't love her, and probably never had), she wasn't his top priority right now. Actually, Emma wasn't either, for once. Right now, he had to think of a way to explain why he was so behind on his auto-shop project to Mr. Ehl.

"Please, sir, I've been having a lot of problems lately. Ellie and I broke up, she kicked me out, and I've not been myself for a long time. I don't know what's wrong, and I've been trying to get things together outside of school, and I don't know what to do anymore. Please, just give me two more weeks to get caught up; I know I can do it."

He looked pleadingly at his teacher, whose face was stern. Sean felt his heart sink. _He's not going to let me_, he thought desperately._ I'm actually telling the truth to a teacher, and he's going to let me fail. He _can't_ let me fail, I can't fail this semester!_

"Two weeks, Sean. After that, the work you have completed is the grade you will get. Final, the end, no more chances, end of story. I know that you've had and are having some rough times, but I can only let you off the hook so much."

Sean felt his heart rise again, and it was all he could do not the hug Ehl right then and there. He managed to keep his composure, and instead offered a smile, which was hard enough for him anyway. "Thanks, Mr. Ehl. You won't regret it." With a nod from his teacher, Sean left the auto-mechanics shop, feeling ten times lighter than he had when he entered.

_Okay, checklist: 1. Get extension. Done. 2. Talk to Spike. 3. Talk to Ellie. 4. Talk to…Emma._

_---Scene Change---_

Emma had never been so glad not to go to school before, not even after the episode with Jay in the ravine. She knew after today, she would have to face Sean in her life again, and she didn't want to deal with that fact yet. The two had walked to the park and were currently sitting on a bench, not saying much. She didn't know what had Ellie so upset, but she figured it had something to do with Sean, or Craig more than likely. Still, she wasn't going to pry; when the redhead wanted her to know what was going on, she'd tell her, and until then it wasn't her business. Maybe that was why, despite all the reasons the two girls had to hate each other, they had become such solid friends. They both knew when to let well enough alone.

"Sauve might tell my dad what's going on."

Ellie's statement came out of nowhere, but Emma had been expecting it. "Oh, Ellie, I'm so sorry. Shouldn't she have to tell your mom instead, since you live with her?" Ellie's father had come home from active duty about a year ago, but in that time, he and Ellie's mother had gotten a divorce. He couldn't take her dependence on him anymore, and was disgusted to find what had happened in his absence. He, however, did not know about Ellie's cutting, and Emma knew that it would break Ellie's heart for him to discover it.

"No, because Sauve knows that my mom won't do anything about it. And she knows that I give a damn what my father thinks about me," Ellie's voice cracked. "Fucking bitch," she added with a bit more heart, though she looked utterly broken.

"No shit," Emma agreed with feeling. She had her own issues with the guidance counselor, but that had been awhile ago, so she wasn't going to think about it now. "Well, I hate to say it, but maybe you...well, you know, maybe you should tell your dad first. So that he hears it from you instead of her, y'know?"

"Yeah, I thought that too. I just don't know how to tell him. I mean, shit, it's not like I can say 'Hi Dad, great to see you, this chicken's really good, by the way I slice up my wrist on a regular basis, just thought you should know'. I mean, Dad's in the military – weakness isn't really his thing." Ellie sounded upset, as though the thought of disappointing her father was more than she could handle. Emma noticed her hand clasped tightly around her wrist, and gently removed it.

"Do you want me to come with you when you tell him?" Immediately, she regretted the words that came out of her mouth. Why would Ellie want her there? She would want Craig with her, or she'd do it herself; it's not like the two of them were even that good of friends anyway.

"No offense Em, but I need to do it myself. It's not that I don't want you there or anything; I mean, I'm not even going to tell Craig until after I do it. It's just… well, it's my problem, you know? I need to learn to start taking care of my problems without any help." Ellie's voice was gentle, explaining, and most of all, sincere. Emma immediately felt the embarrassment disappear, and was left with only concern for her friend.

"No prob. Do you want to come over to my house afterwards, if you need to get away from your dad?" Though her offer was meant to provide Ellie with an escape should she need one, it was also selfish. It would mean an excuse for her to hide from Sean for a day or so.

"Thanks. I'll take you up on that. I can avoid my dad, you can avoid Sean." Damn. Ellie never missed anything. Emma grinned wryly.

"Well, there's always that too."

"Don't worry Em, I understand completely. It works for both of us, right?"

"Thanks, El."

"No prob."


	15. Short And Not So Sweet

**_Disclaimer:_** Don't own, and probably never will. Depressing, no?

**_Author's Note:_** Once again, people may get mad at me for this chapter, but hey – where would the fun be if I let them have an easy time of things? Also, I don't know Ellie's father's name, so I just stuck one in. If anyone knows it, let me know so I can use it in later chapters. Another thing is, Ellie still lives at home with her mom now that she kicked Sean out, but she has the apartment for the rest of the month since rent's been paid on it. It's important to know that, or else this won't make sense.

"Where the hell were you today?"

Ellie laughed wryly at the question being directed at her through the bathroom door as she stepped into the shower. "I'm not going to talk to you through the door Craig," she responded, letting the too-hot water run over her skin.

The doorknob turned then and the young man stepped into the bathroom as well, hopping up on the counter and leaning against the mirror. "Where were you today, El? I'm not particularly fond of lying to teachers, and I won't do it again unless I know why I had to in the first place. So spill already."

"Emma and I couldn't deal with school. It was one of those mental-health days, y'know?"

"And so you went to _Emma_? It's not that I care but hello, Craig Manning here, best friend and confidant? You couldn't have let me know what was going on?" Craig tried not to sound hurt at the lack of information, but he knew that his voice was more wounded than he would have liked it to be.

"Look, you care about me too much, and I couldn't deal with that either."

"How does _that _make sense?"

"Emma isn't my best friend. Emma and I are hardly friends at all, if we're honest. Therefore, she doesn't have to care about me like you do, because face it Craig, we're pretty much required to give a damn about each other. But Emma doesn't have to, and she does anyway. That's what I needed at that point." Ellie knew her explanation was shaky at best, but it was the only way she could think to put it. It made sense to _her_, anyway.

"Listen, are we going to keep up like this? I don't want our friendship to be ruined because of what happened over the weekend," now his voice had turned desperate, pleading. Ellie winced at the tone he employed; she hated hurting Craig, but she couldn't deny that there was now an awkwardness that existed between the two of them.

"Craig, I have to go to my dad's house in about twenty minutes. I don't have time for any heart-wrenching talks right now, okay?"

"No, you don't have time for _any_thing anymore – at least not with me. I'll see you around, Ellie." And then Craig was gone.

"Shit!" Ellie threw her soap at the wall of the shower, digging her fingernails into the palm of her hands to keep from crying. She couldn't take this right now. Dealing with her father's reaction was going to take all the energy she had, and now Craig was feeling as though she was avoiding him. Truthfully, she was. Ellie knew that if she were around Craig like they used to be, she would fall for him harder than she could control, and she couldn't keep up with her emotions as it was now. She didn't need to add another relationship to her life that very well could fail in the first few weeks.

Ellie didn't know when she became such a coward. Before she came to Degrassi, she was a risk-taker. Nothing out there – she hadn't been a slut or a drug addict like so many people in her former school thought, but when it came to asking guys she liked out, or dares that didn't involve anything (extremely) illegal, Ellie was there. She knew how to have fun. This school had changed her. No, that wasn't it, not really. Marco and her friends did have something to do with it, but it was also the fact that after her father left for Iraq, she had to take care of her mother. She actually learned responsibility. But Ellie was tired of having to be the parent in her house. And she was going to do something about it.

_---Scene Change---_

"Daddy, we need to talk about something." Ellie's voice was serious, though shaky, and she tried to look her father in the eye. Christian Nash, who had been wandering around the kitchen looking for something to do, stopped, looked at his daughter, and nodded. He sat down at the dining room table, and motioned to a seat next to him. Ellie took it, took a deep breath, and tried not to look apprehensive.

"Daddy, I was thinking. I…I don't want to live with Mom anymore." While this was not what Ellie had intended to speak to her father about when she first came over, she knew that it would lead into what she needed to tell him. And honestly, the more she had thought about it on the drive over, the more she was certain it's what she needed to do. She couldn't stay with Judy anymore and stay sane.

"What brought this on, Eleanor? When your mother and I divorced, we said that you would be able to choose who had custody of you, and you chose her. What's changed?" Christian's voice was calm and sensible, though when he saw the stricken look on his daughter's face, he hastily added, "Not that I wouldn't love for you to come live with me sweetheart, I'm just trying to understand the situation, so that if and when it comes to court, I'll be able to know exactly what's going on."

Ellie nodded, trying to think of a way to present her "case" to her father so that she didn't come off sounding like a whiny little girl who couldn't handle reality. It was better if she was calm while speaking anyway, because she would think more clearly. "I can't handle having to take care of her anymore. I know how that sounds Dad, but I almost didn't pass last semester because I didn't get to bed until early in the morning since she stumbled around all night, banged on my door when she needed something that any normal person could take care of themselves…I want to be able to go to grade twelve next year Daddy, and I'm afraid I won't be able to if I'm still there." She wanted to kick herself; this discussion was not going to be easy for her to have, and it would be harder if she didn't tell him what she had originally come here to say. She didn't know how to say it though. She didn't know if she _could_.

"Is that it Ellie? Or is there another reason?" Christian Nash was not a psychic, but he could read his daughter's face like a book, and there was more to this matter than she was telling him. Just as he thought, her face fell, and her hands began nervously twisting around each other in her lap. "Sweetie, please, talk to me. I need to know what's going on."

Wordlessly, Ellie pulled back the sleeves of her sweatshirt, exposing the pale undersides of her arms to her father. His eyes didn't flicker as he looked over the scars that lined her arms, some long, some vertical, some horizontal. His expression remained neutral, but Ellie could see the pain that hid behind his calm eyes.

"Does your mother know?" His voice was deadly calm, which was a warning sign. After Ellie nodded mutely, it was now Christian's turn to take a deep breath. "And she didn't tell me. Why the _hell_ didn't she tell me? Is she at least getting you help? Therapy? **_Anything_**?"

"I…I'm going to group therapy. But nothing with a real counselor outside the one my school has…" Ellie's voice trailed off as her father gripped the edge of the table, trying to keep control over his temper as he spoke again.

"You're not going back there, Ellie. I'm telling you now though – when you come live here, I'm going to send you to a therapist. A _real_ one, not just the school one. And I want you to try to stop. I know it will be hard, but baby, I don't want you to hurt yourself. Agreed?"

"Okay."

"We'll go talk to social services tomorrow, then."


	16. Kisses And Being Safe

**_Disclaimer:_** Still not mine. Aww… Pobrecita.

**_Author's Note:_** I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update! My boyfriend's been running me all over the place for about a week, so this is the first time I've been _home_. I'll try to write out two chapters today, but if I can't, you can enjoy at least one!

Craig was fairly sure that Ellie Nash had been put on this earth just to punish him for all his shortcomings. Cheating on Ashley and breaking Manny's heart apparently deserved a harsh consequence, and Ellie was doing it fabulously. And the worst part was that she didn't even know that he was being slowly driven crazy. Craig didn't know what exactly it was about the slender redhead that made him feel as though he were seven again, but he was also beginning to wish that he _did_ believe girls had cooties. It would certainly make life a lot easier. _Why did I give up being a monk?_ he wondered with a wry grin. _Oh, yeah. Hot girls._ Girls were the bane of Craig's existence - always had been. Now it was narrowed down to one girl, and she happened to be his best friend. And she was probably the one girl (not to sound conceited) who hadn't felt as strongly about him as he had her. In fact, she probably wasn't even speaking to him at the moment.

The thing was, while he knew that he deserved her irritation (he _had_ given her an awful time while she was stressing about her father), he felt used. He was always there for Ellie when she needed him, but when he needed someone to cry (well… not cry… he _was_ a manly man after all) on, she wasn't anywhere to be found. Craig found himself missing Emma - at least she reciprocated the help he gave her. Was it that he really cared about Emma, not Ellie? Craig sighed - his emotions were in a whirlwind these days, and he didn't want to deal with it. He popped his medication in his mouth, swallowed, then lay back in bed. Today was not going to be a day to think about his life. It was going to be a day to sleep and basically tell the world to pay a visit to the scary, hot underworld. Thinking gave him a headache these days.

Of course, as it usually goes with days intended for being lazy, everything went wrong. Joey yelled at Craig to get downstairs and watch Angela while he went to the store, and so Craig had to drag his apathetic arse out of bed, get dressed, and look presentable. It was almost summer, so at least he could wear shorts and a tank, but that didn't make up for the fact that he was tired, wanted to go back to sleep, and _didn't_ want to watch his sister. Not that he had anything against Angie; she was adorable, but he didn't think he could take playing dress-up (she _always_ made him be Mrs. Teasdale, even though he had explained to her several times that he was, in fact, a boy), and he didn't want to wear that awful paisley dress that had belonged to his grandmother. He had even appealed to Joey on this matter, but had also made the mistake of keeping the dress on while making his case, and all that had been accomplished was Joey almost falling down the stairs from laughing too hard. Craig, on the other hand, had been less than amused. Oh, well. Perhaps he could convince her to play outside today, maybe teach her how to play Frisbee. Everyone loved Frisbee.

_---Scene Change---_

Emma was going to give in. Sean was only two feet and a closed door away, and she didn't know whether she had the willpower to keep walking past the room. It has been nearly a month since he has moved in, and he was back to the Sean she knew - he had become _her_ Sean again. And while that was nice for everyone at school, and in the Nelson-Simpson house, there was one problem:

_Her_ Sean had a nasty ability to re-awaken feelings best left buried.

And that was what led her to stand outside his door at two o'clock in the morning, feeling like the biggest fool in the world for still being in love with someone who would never want her back. Ever since he had _really _started going to counseling (and working on his problems), he hadn't given the blonde teenager the time of day, and barely looked at her when they passed each other in the halls at school, outside of school, or at home. Any hope that once he had lost his anger problems (or at least lessened them), they could be together had been cruelly broken and the pieces thrown in her face. He had been flirting with Manny, Alex, even Paige and Hazel for weeks now, and while she knew that it wasn't anything serious at all, it still cut her deep.

Emma's hand turned of its own will, and she found herself walking into his room, unable to stop herself.

"Emma? What's going on? Are you alri-"

Sean never got a chance to finish his sentence, for Emma had pressed her lips against him, and all desire for speaking had been taken away.

_---Scene Change---_

Angela ran after the Frisbee with the ungainly gait most children under the age of eight possessed, her eyes focused on the ground instead of straight ahead of her. Craig had overthrown the Frisbee to the point where it ran to the next block, but Angie had insisted on retrieving it herself. As she had walked around the neighborhood several times by herself, Craig didn't see any harm in letting her go about two hundred feet away from the house. However, Angie was running full-speed, and crashed full into another person, and knocked both of them to the ground. Angela tumbled to the sidewalk, skinning her knee badly before she stopped skidding. Immediately, she opened her mouth and let out a high-pitched wail, tears spilling down her cheek.

"Oh, no!" Ellie exclaimed (for she was the person who had been knocked down by the running girl) once she got her breath back, and picked the screaming girl up, walking as quickly as she could with a newly-sprained ankle towards the Jeremiah residence.

"What did you _do?_" asked Craig in horror as he took the crying Angie from Ellie's arms, before helping the redhead limp into the house.

"I didn't do anything! She ran straight into me, then skidded!" The teenage girl looked offended at Craig's question, and glared at him. She was still upset about the miniature tantrum he had thrown when she had been about to go see her father, since then two weeks of silence between the two had passed. It didn't look like the situation was going to be made better any time soon, either.

"Of course, I forgot, Ellie Nash _never_ does anything! It's always someone else's fault. Please, forgive me, I didn't remember that you can do no wrong."

"Craig, really, it was my fault…" Angie's hesitant voice broke through Craig's ranting, and calmed him down slightly. Ellie looked as though she had been slapped, though she was growing angrier by the minute.

"You want to know why I didn't see her? I was staring at the ground, trying to think of a way to apologize to you for not being around lately. But I'm glad this happened. It's reminded me why I _don't _want to be around you!" With that, Ellie stood up and walked calmly out of the house, not even giving Craig the satisfaction of a door slamming after her.

He really hated how she could still look so damn sure of herself and dignified even with a limp.

_---Scene Change---_

Ellie did, however, slam the back door as she stormed into her father's - no, _her_ house as she entered, dark hazel eyes filled with rage.

"Ellie? Honey, are you all right?" Her father's concerned voice rang from the living room.

"I'm fine Daddy; I twisted my ankle, so I'm going to go find an ankle brace," she replied before limping into the bathroom. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub, buried her head in her arms, and cried. Everything was so wrong. What she felt for Craig was frightening her. She couldn't stand the bad feelings that had been between them for two weeks, but when she had gone to try to make things right, she had just made them worse. And what Craig had said to her had hurt worse than anything lately. Did he really think she was so self-righteous that it was truly believed she could do no wrong? It seemed _everything_ she did these days was wrong. Maybe _she_ was just wrong.

After applying the brace to her ankle, she limped outside and sat on her porch, staring into space. She felt bad. It was an empty feeling, and Ellie hated it. Her hand automatically went to her jacket pocket, where she still kept a shaving razor with the handle broken off. Her fingers clasped around it, and she brought it out of her pocket, staring at it. She moved it up slowly, before letting out a keening wail and, arching her arm back, threw it as far as she could into the tall grass that was in the empty field which stood next to her father's house. Ellie sat back down, feeling shaky and exhausted.

"Don't you still need that?"

Ellie didn't even jump at the sound of the voice that came from her right, but instead sighed. "I never really did, you know. I just had myself convinced I did."

"I know."

"What are you doing here, Craig? Storming away only works if the other person doesn't come after you."

"I don't want things to stay like this, El. I care about you too much to let this go." Craig walked up the porch steps and sat next to the redhead, whose eyes had filled with tears. She hadn't started crying yet, but her expression showed that she'd like nothing more than to let loose and really sob. Craig shifted slightly so that his leg was touching her, and this simple contact caused a few tears to course down Ellie's cheeks as she merely rested her head upon Craig's shoulder. He moved as though to speak, but instead slipped his arm around her shoulder. Ellie moved her head from his shoulder to his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"We need to talk later, Craig," she whispered.

"I know," Craig responded simply.

But later would not be for awhile. For now, the two teenagers stayed in the position they were currently in, being silent and still. It was enough for them to feel safe.


	17. I Don't Want You

**_Disclaimer:_** Hey, who wants to get me the rights to Degrassi for my birthday or Christmas? No one? Then I suppose I still do not own it… I am saddened. 

**_Author's Note:_** I wasn't going to update until Thursday, but then I read all the reviews I've gotten on this, and it made me feel so good. I'm trying to focus on Sean and Emma this chapter, since it's their turn. Also, there's probably only going to be about two to four more chapters, so review and tell me what you want to see before I end it. Enjoy!

"Uhm…not that I'm complaining, but…why?"

"There's not always a 'why', y'know."

"Which means there's just a 'why not'?"

"Exactly."

This time, it was Sean who kissed Emma. Unlike the first kiss that had happened that night, it lacked any ferocity or need; instead, it was simple, yet full of passion. It had been so long since anyone had kissed Emma that way, if indeed she ever had experienced a kiss quite like that one. There was no invitation in it to take things further, because both teenagers knew that if it evolved into anything beyond that kiss, or many other kisses afterward, the moment would be spoiled, and any hope of reconciliation would be thrown away. And both wanted that reconciliation so badly.

The kiss could not have lasted for more than two minutes, but when the two pulled apart (neither was sure who had broken it first), it seemed much longer. Now they smiled awkwardly at each other, unsure of what was to happen now. Taking the first step, Emma sat down on Sean's bed, and he followed suit. There was silence, then he cleared his throat. "So… I think I've figured out why I've been acting so psychotic lately."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. My uh… my shrink says that I have abandonment issues. And I guess the fact that I knew Ellie and I weren't going to last got me out of control, because I knew I'd be left, even if I didn't want to stay." Sean seemed almost embarrassed, but Emma felt a sting of hurt.

"So you like me because I'm safe - little Emma Nelson who loves Sean too much to leave him because she'll always be there?"

"No! You know that's not true. You know me better than that. I mean… I mean, no, I don't think you'd leave me. But not because no one else would want you, or whatever. It's just… it's us, Emma. I can't explain it better than that. It's us." Now he was stammering, and looking far out of his league. Why did conversations with Emma always turn out with him feeling not defensive, but at a loss for words? He could never communicate to her what he was feeling, and that made her angry, which in turn frustrated him. Then they had a fight, or broke up, or hated each other, and still, they always came back. The fact that they always ended up right back here, talking, together, meant something to Sean. He didn't care about anything most of the time, but he always cared about Emma.

"Newsflash Sean: there is no '_us_'," Emma's tone was cold and biting, and even she looked shocked at how cruel she sounded.

"Then damn you Emma, why did you come in here? If there is no us, if you don't want there to be an us, why the hell did you come in here and kiss me? I can't take this! You always fucking do this to me, Nelson! You act like you want me again, like you want to make it work, and then you turn around and make me feel like a damn _idiot_ for taking you seriously! What the hell is this? Are you medically frigid, or is it a psychological problem?"

To Sean's great surprise, Emma burst into hysterical laughter. "I can't believe it," she managed to choke out, "you actually watched _The Breakfast Club_!"

"Way to go, Emma. Find the most important thing in what I just said, and latch onto it," he replied, sarcasm heavy in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Sean," Emma responded, chagrined, "I just don't know what to say or feel right now. I want to so badly, but…I'm scared."

"I'll tell you a little secret: I am too. But…" Here Sean stopped. Emma picked up on it immediately, recognizing his tone.

"Oh, no, tell me it isn't true! Sappy Sean isn't going to make an appearance, is he?" Her teasing turned serious, "Really, Sean, what were you going to say? I won't make fun of you."

He took a deep breath, looking her in the eye, his voice now embarrassed, but defiant, "I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of not being with you. Because this is our last chance, Emma. If you tell me you don't want me, I'm not going to come back again. No one can take that much roller-coasting."

"I don't want you, Sean."

He looked as though he had been slapped, but he nodded, and made to leave the room (even though, by all rights, it was his), but Emma reached out and took his hand, preventing him exiting.

"I don't want you - I want us"

"Then Emma… I understand if you need time to think about it, but will you be my girlfriend?"

She kissed him.

"So… is that a yes then?"

"Sean!"

---Scene Change---

It had taken until two in the morning (Ellie's dad had understood the situation and allowed Craig and Ellie to stay in her room, talking about their problems) to finally get everything out in the open, but it had been managed. Still, there was an issue the two had been avoiding, and Ellie didn't want to bring it up. Ellie and Craig weren't together yet, but they were more than friends, as the linked hands now showed. Still, she wasn't sure she was ready for everything to be finalized. Though she knew now that she cared so deeply about Craig, and that he felt the same, she felt everything was too unstable right now to work. She had just finished getting settled in with her father, and then there was Sean…

She didn't want Sean back. There was no way in hell that she ever would think of him that way again, but she did miss his friendship. Ellie was almost positive that he and Emma had gotten together by now, and she was glad for them. She had expected to feel at least a little jealous that he could move on from her so quickly, but there was no envy or hurt left whatsoever. She wasn't even going to be put out if he didn't ant to reconcile with her and become friends again, but she felt that too many things were left unsaid between them. She needed answers from Sean, and she needed to give them as well.

Ellie didn't know if she could tell Craig this, though. While she was pretty sure he would understand, she didn't know whether or not he would react badly. Though Sean had been his first friend when he came to Degrassi, the two had bad history that ended most recently with Craig "stealing his girlfriend", as Sean surely would have looked at it. Still, he was her best friend, and she valued his opinion.

"Craig… I think I need to talk to Sean." Now it was time to wait for the reaction.

"Do you want him back?" he quietly asked, voice full of confusion and the tiniest bit of concern.

"What? Oh, no, Craig. It's just…not to sound Mafia-ish, but we have unfinished business. And I don't think I'm going to be ready to fully move on until I get it taken care of. I need to know why he did some things, and I need to tell him a few things."

"Like what?"

"Like… I didn't want things to end the way they did. But I still wanted them to end. And I would have ended them sooner if everything had gone differently. And that even if he had been different, we still wouldn't have lasted because we were both in love with two different peo -" Ellie stopped and looked at Craig, mortified. Craig, however, was obviously trying not to look like Christmas had come early. Out of respect for his friend (girlfriend?)'s feelings, he kept quiet. "We cared about two different people, and one of us would have ended it."

"That makes sense. Do you want me to come with you when you talk to him?"

"Thanks Craig, but no. But could you do me a favour?"

"Of course, Ellie-boo. What is it?"

"Uhm… One, never call me Ellie-boo again, because I may have nightmares. And two, stay with Emma while we talk. She's going to be nervous, even though she knows she has Sean, and you can keep her sane until we're done." Ellie grinned at him, wiggling her eyebrows, even though there was really no reason to do so. "Can you do that for me, Craigy-Waigy-Snoogie-Bear?"

"Only if you swear never to utter that ever again."

"Done."


	18. Alone In The Bedroom

**_Disclaimer: _**I still don't own Degrassi.

**_Author's Note: _**I got an e-mail asking me if I really liked starting out the chapters with just dialogue, and the answer is, "Yes". I feel that it can set up a lot of things, and it's more interesting if you don't always know who's saying what for awhile. This is the penultimate chapter - the next one ends it. Make your final requests now. In this one, Sean is a typical, clueless male. Enjoy!

"What do you think they're doing in there?"

"If you ask me that one more time, I think I may have to kill you."

"But it's been over an hour."

"Look, they care about us. They're not going to do anything that they'll regret."

"Maybe they won't regret it!"

"Would you please just chill? They're just talking, and you know it. You're freaking out about nothing."

"But -"

"Craig! I'm trying to be nice, but will you _please_ shut up before I have to duct tape your mouth closed!"

"Sorry Emma."

_---Scene Change---_

"Ellie, let me start," Sean looked as though he really needed her to agree, and though Ellie had planned what she was going to say from the moment they walked into the kitchen (both were certain that if they had conducted their talk in the bedroom, Emma and/or Craig would have died of apoplexy, and instead left the other two in the bedroom), but the slight desperation in Sean's eyes, the way she knew he needed to explain himself, made her give in.

"All right, I'm listening."

"I have… problems," he laughed slightly at Ellie's _"Well, g'dur"_ expression, and hurried on, "no, really, I mean, I kind of have it figured out. Well, as much as I'm going to, I mean. It's like, abandonment issues or something like that. I mean, if that makes sense." He looked confused at her expression, and had to ask, "What are you thinking, El?"

"That if you say the phrase 'I mean' one more time, I'm going to _have_ to slap you." Despite her words, her voice was teasing, and her hazel eyes sparkled in a way that Sean hadn't seen in months. He was glad to know that she was taking their break up just as well as he was, and was much happier for it.

"No, I mea - seriously, Ellie, I want us to be okay again," his voice was now hesitant, as though he was afraid of her response.

"I do too. And it wasn't just you. I got way overbearing at the end and… I guess I figured that if I could control what you did, everything would be good again. I'm sorry, for my part in it. I should have tried to help you, not make decisions for you."

"It's all right."

Ellie waited.

And waited.

…And waited.

And got sick of waiting.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Aren't _you_ going to apologize?" Ellie seemed truly curious, and a little annoyed.

"What? Apologize for what?" His tone was incredulous.

"Apologize for _what_? For hitting me? For being a total and complete asshole the last three months of our relationship? For trying to and succeeding in making my life nothing short of a living hell?" Ellie's voice was rising, and though she knew that it was stupid to get into this once again, she couldn't help but feel both hurt and angry that he wouldn't even have the decency to acknowledge how much he had hurt her.

"I told you why! And I'm working on it!" For the life of him, Sean couldn't figure out why this was such a big deal. He had given her an explanation, and it was even the truthful one; why couldn't she accept it and move on? It's not like he had intentionally hurt her…

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't apologize! I had _bruises _for days, Sean! Just because you had 'issues' doesn't give you a free pass to be abusive. I didn't punch you around because I couldn't deal with my mom drinking, did I?"

"No, you just controlled every damn aspect of my life as much as you could. I'd say that's just as bad in a different sort of way!" His temper was rising now, and that was a bad thing, as he could tell that the redhead was getting just as angry. How had they come back to this?

"AND I APOLOGIZED FOR IT!"

_---Scene Change---_

Ellie's bellow could be heard in the bedroom where Craig and Emma were holed up. Craig had finally stopped his incessant insecure questioning, and Emma was attempting not to go insane from wondering, though she was much quieter about it. She trusted Sean, and more to the point, she trusted Ellie's feelings for Craig. What worried both of the teenagers now was the redhead's enraged yell from the kitchen, and Craig was halfway to the door before Emma jumped in front of him, glaring.

"Forget it. They need to work it out now, not later when they've come up with more reasons to hate each other."

"Emma, he could hurt her! It wouldn't be the first time, would it? And I'll be damned if I just sit here while - "

"While what? While they get out what they should have talked about _while _they were together, instead of now with their current boy/girlfriend huddled in the bedroom?" Emma's tone was both irritated and amused, as though she couldn't decide whether she wanted to laugh at Craig, or follow through with her earlier duct tape threat.

"I'm not Ellie's boyfriend," Craig answered sulkily, sitting back on the bed.

"And you can't stand it, can you." Statement, not a question.

"Of course I can't. I care about her, and I want to know that she cares about me too. Only me."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Craig!" Emma had finally had it, which could be heard in both her tone and word choice. "Like you can't tell that already? For Christ's sake, she's facing her ex much earlier than she's ready for just so that she can try and move on. For _you_. I'd say that's a pretty damn good testament of her level of affection for you, wouldn't you?"

He hung his head, "Yeah, I guess I have been a little selfish here. But Em, I've tried to be there for her when she needs me, but she never returns the favour. She used to listen to me. Now she never has time."

"That's why she's doing this, Manning. So that she can get it out of her system and have time for you. Just give _her_ time."

"I guess I can do that."

_---Scene Change---_

"_Why won't you just let this go?"_ Sean had had enough, and wasn't getting why this was so fucking important to Ellie. He had explained himself, wasn't that good enough? Wasn't _any_thing good enough?

"You want to know why, Sean? Because**_ you hurt me!_**" This was a full-fledged scream now that rang from Ellie.

_---Scene Change---_

"**_You hurt me!_**"

This time, Emma had to sit on Craig to stop him from throwing the door open.

_---Scene Change---_

"And I told you why!" Sean wanted to scream, make her shut up and understand, but he was getting better at controlling himself, and settled for clenching his fists and teeth.

"And you think that makes it better Sean? It makes all the hurt go away? _Are_ you even sorry that you hurt me?" Her tone was demanding, but at the same time, Ellie sounded as though she was on the verge of tears. All of Sean's anger melted away, and he felt like absolute crap.

"Ellie! Of course I am," and suddenly, it all clicked. He was so stupid! "Oh, God, Ellie, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

That was all it took for the tears to spill over onto Ellie's cheeks, and the next thing Sean knew, the girl had thrown her arms around his neck and she was hugging him like she used to, before everything was so screwed up that they could barely look at each other. Sean locked his arms around her waist, hugging her back just as tightly. After a few moments, they both pulled away, and grinned sheepishly at each other.

"So, should we get them out of the bedroom, or leave them there for a few more minutes to sweat it out?"

"Ohh, you're cruel, Sean Cameron."

"So is that a yes?"

"I have a better idea…"

_---Scene Change---_

The kitchen was silent.

"I think they've finally killed each other," Craig remarked conversationally.

And then…

"Sean, what if they're still in there?" Ellie's voice.

"Oh please, they went home hours ago. Like they'd really stick around."

"I don't think we should…"

"Come on Ellie, just like old times."

Emma turned to Craig, eyes wide. "No way."

Craig stared fixedly at the door.

Emma continued. "I mean, they wouldn't… They were screaming at each other a few moments ago. It's just not possible."

The door opened…

And Craig found himself knocked to the bed, a redhead sitting on top of him, laughing and looking happier than she had in a few months. Sean leaned against the doorway looking vaguely amused at the scene presented before him: Craig, utterly confused but looking delighted all the same being tickled by his - well, what _were_ Craig and Ellie? Did they even know? Notwithstanding, they both looked glad to be back with each other. Emma looked flabbergasted and just the tiniest bit annoyed, and Sean couldn't help but poke fun at her.

"Well, we were going to continue, but it was sort of a turn-off when Ellie moaned 'Craig' - OW!" his tirade was cut short when both Emma and Ellie (who had climbed off Craig by this point) punched him in the arm. The difference was, Emma kissed Sean fiercely a moment later, and them pulled him towards the door.

"Come on Cameron, it's time we headed home."

And neither Craig nor Emma felt a flicker of jealousy as Ellie and Sean embraced before the pair left. And neither Ellie nor Emma could have been prouder at the two boys' parting words.

"Hey, Manning, we cool?"

"Yeah, Sean. We're cool."


	19. Insecurities

**_Disclaimer: _**Degrassinot mine. Aww…

**_Author's Note:_** Okay, okay, I lied. This isn't the last chapter - it's the last chapter, part one. You see, I decided that I was going to do one chapter for each couple, but! Then I had an idea. I have another fan fiction in the works, about Ashley, Craig, and Ellie. But I have absolutely no ideas for it, and it'll go nowhere. However, I thought I could bring Ashley back from London in a sequel to WYWA. Ideas about this? Do you want a sequel at all, or should I just finish this and let it end? I'd really appreciate feedback on this.

It had been a draining day. Even though Emma hadn't been the one vocally freaking out during Ellie and Sean's talk in the kitchen, the worry and suspicion of what was _really_ happening out there had taken a toll on her, and she was exhausted. She knew that nothing had happened between her boyfriend and her friend, but only because she knew Ellie had too much integrity. She didn't know about Sean. Oh, what was she thinking? Sean loved her. He had chosen her above Ellie. When things went wrong, he came to her, not to Ellie. It was just the old habit of jealousy and paranoia that had always surfaced in her when it came to Sean. Not with any of her other boyfriends had she ever felt that possessive streak, the urge to strangle any other girl who looked at him the way she did. Sean was hers, and he always had been.

That certainly made her feel smug. The knowledge that even though he had been with other girls, he had still been hers. Then, it worked both ways. She almost felt sorry for her past boyfriends; none of them had been Sean, and she had treated them accordingly. She had loved Sean since they had met, and had never stopped. It had hardly been fair to any of them.

She was happy now, though. Happier than she could remember being in a very long time. And despite feeling a bit insecure about her relationship with Sean, Emma knew that things would be a lot better from now on. She and Ellie, despite the fact that they knew they would never, ever be best friends, were close, and Sean and Craig were at least being civil to each other. Emma knew they weren't friends, and they wouldn't be for a long time, but there were no open hostilities to have to deal with. It was a start. They were all trying.

Even though their talk had straightened things out, things between Ellie and Sean had grown awkward, as they are wont to do from failed relationships. Still, those two were attempting to get their friendship back on track as well, even though it was taking some time. That was another aspect of life that was never going to be the same. And though she loved Ellie to death, Emma couldn't help but be glad that she and her boyfriend weren't going to be the close friends that they used to be. She wanted Ellie to be happy, but then, that happiness didn't have to include being bestest best friends with Sean. Perhaps that was selfish or wrong of her, but Emma couldn't help the way she felt. It would be like Peter's new girlfriend having to put up with Emma and Peter being best friends and hugging and being buddy-buddy all the time. It wasn't fair.

Why was she even worrying about this? It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Craig and Ellie were crazy about each other, and that taking Sean away wasn't anything the redhead was remotely interested in. Maybe she was just having lingering doubts about her newly-rekindled relationship with him, and was projecting her insecurities onto the situation at hand.

Emma slammed her head into the wall once, and after yelling at the pain that followed (well, honestly, what did she expect?), she decided that sitting around doing nothing was not the answer. Sean was still working on an auto shop project, so she couldn't go anywhere with him, but she and Manny hadn't gone shopping in awhile. Emma paused at that thought - Manny hadn't been doing well, and last time Emma had asked her to do something, she had been blown off. Manny would find things wrong with her relationship and pick them apart until any trust Emma had in things with Sean were shattered. Manny was not the solution here.

Well, this was annoying. Emma wanted to do something, but there was nothing to do, and no one to do it with. Resigned, she trudged back upstairs, and for lack of something better, popped into the DVD player one of her favourite movies of all time - _The Little Mermaid_. It wasn't much, but she figured it was better than sitting around in her room all day, analyzing every detail of her relationship with Sean.

But Emma was still a bit worried. What if Sean had another "episode", and after coming out of it, decided that Emma too was adding stress to his life, and that he couldn't handle _her_? What if he left her? It would be worse than when he and Ellie split, because she knew that her parents wouldn't kick him out, even if he did break her heart. Her parents were too good of people to make someone who had nowhere else to live leave their house just because their daughter was acting "immature and selfish". What would happen if this happened?

Well, really. What would happen if the roof caved in and crushed them all to death? Then this wouldn't even be a problem. _You're being ridiculous. Just chill, Psycho Girl_, Emma mentally chastised herself. Sean said he loved her, and she could tell the difference in his sincerity than when he said the same about Ellie. He loved Emma. She knew he loved her. And I wasn't just the passing, fleeting high school love. It could last, if she would just calm down. She didn't want to ruin by obsessing over silly things that wouldn't matter in a couple years. Hell, it wouldn't matter in a couple of months. And if she could just _let it go_…

"What's wrong with you, Emma?"

Sean.

"Why do you think there's something wrong?" It was a lame answer, but it was the only thing that she could think of that wouldn't sound incriminating.

"Well, in the last four minutes, your face has gone from happy, to worried, to sad, to angry, to surprised at seeing me. And usually all those emotions take you at least ten minutes each to process. Hence, the conclusion that something is wrong."

"Did Sean Cameron just use the words 'hence' and 'conclusion' in the same sentence, and correctly?" Emma couldn't help but poke fun at Sean, even though she knew that he actually was quite intelligent.

"Stop trying to change the subject. You do it all the time, and I didn't used to be able to catch it, but I can now. Spill."

"I'm just… worried. I'm afraid that something will happen to us. That you'll decide I'm not worth it, or I'm too stressful, or -"

Not for the first time in their relationship, Sean cut her off by using his lips for something other than talking. And in that kiss, all Emma's fears were put to rest.

So, maybe they weren't perfect. But in that instant, everything about them was.

And that instant was enough.


	20. Facing of the Fears

**_Disclaimer:_** I've decided I don't want to own Degrassi anyway. So there!

**_Author's Note:_** The end? Or do you guys want a sequel? It will have the same Semma pairing, but it'll probably have Manny, Ashley, Craig and Ellie as the focus of the story. Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out - I've been having major relationship problems that have included two break ups, two reconciliations… But we're still having problems. So please, try to forgive the lack up update. I'm having a rough time.

The old apartment was gone now, and Ellie felt settled in her father's house. It had been a month since she had moved out, and about two days since the talk with Sean in what was dubbed "neutral ground", which had been the apartment. And now she was faced with an even bigger problem - the facing of fears. It wasn't that Ellie didn't care about Craig, or that she didn't care enough to make a commitment. Ellie was…well, there was only one way to say it, so she might as well admit it. _I, Ellie Nash, am afraid of a boy._ There. Well, didn't she feel pathetic? She hadn't even felt this hesitant and at a loss around Marco, and that was when she had pulled the pitiful "secret admirer" notes to lure him away from Hazel. That had worked very well, hadn't it? Only for months later to usher him into the arms of one Dylan Michalchuk. Bravo, Nash.

Why was she thinking about Marco now? Any more-than-friendly feelings she had ever harbored for him disappeared a long time ago. Oh, right, it was avoidance tactics. She was good at those. Instead of thinking about how to tell Craig what her decision was, she was dwelling on the past which in reality, didn't really bother her again. Okay, focus. Deep breath in, deep breath out. One, two, three, four, five, hold, release. Slowly, slowly, good girl. There, heart rate normal, let's keep the panic attacks off. Time to get it over with, Eleanor.

She reached for the phone, hesitated again, then picked it up. She dialed Craig's number from memory. A ring, two rings, then a pick up. "Hello?" _Oh God, I can't do this!_

Slam.

Way to go. Once again, Nash, brav-_o._

---_Scene Change---_

Craig Manning was a very confused little guitarist. He stared at the phone in his hand for a moment, then shook his head and replaced the receiver. Well, that was interesting. Third hang up in an hour. Either Spinner was really bored and had decided that prank phone calls were the way to go, or… well, he didn't really have an or.

He lay back on the couch in the garage, staring at the ceiling. There were too many memories in this place, he thought a bit unhappily. Manny memories, Ashley memories, even Downtown Sasquatch memories that were once considered happy. Craig wouldn't admit it, but he missed Jimmy and Spinner being friends. He missed being close with Marco. The band was a group that was always there for each other, even though they all pretty much sucked. And he sure could use some advice right now.

Craig reached for the phone before it could ring again with no one on the other side, and dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Marco."

_---Scene Change---_

Twenty minutes later, Marco met Craig at the park underneath one of the big trees. It had been awhile since the two boys had spoken, and both of them were feeling a bit awkward as they settled down. Suddenly, Craig felt that he was making a big deal out of nothing; past friendships were not supposed to be rekindled unless one or the other was diseased, dying, or dead. What was he supposed to say now?

"Ellie issues, huh?" Marco's voice cut through the stillness, a knowing smile upon his face. Craig always thought he was subtle, but he had never really learned to mask his emotions. Whether that was because he was too honest for his own good, or just a really crappy actor, he didn't know - after all, he still thought he was _so_ smooth.

"Yeah, dude. I just don't know what to do. I mean, I want to ask her to be my girlfriend, but I don't want to push her into a decision. And I mean, what if _I'm_ not ready for a girlfriend? I think I love her man, but anytime I think I love someone, I end up hurting someone else!" Craig's words were rushed as all the conflicting emotions he had been feeling rushed out of him so fast, Marco would have had a hard time understanding it should he not have been so used to the boy's ranting and fears from many talks before. Still, to see Craig Manning, usually so suave and confident, feeling insecure like this made it hard for him to choke back laughter.

"Dude, are you sure you haven't gone off your meds?" Marco was teasing of course, but the glare he received for his efforts made him put his hands up in a reconciliatory gesture. "I'm just kidding man. I don't know, if you love her, go for it. The worst she can say is no, right?"

"What if she says no, then laughs at me? Or just stares at me in shock? What if the thought has never crossed her mind? Or Marco, what if -"

"What if she suddenly decides she likes girls and wants to date Angie?" Marco smirked.

"Uhm… No, totally not what I was going to say…" Craig realized how ridiculous he had sounded though, and sheepishly smiled. "It's just… I didn't even feel this way about _Her_ - Ashley. I didn't feel that way about Ashley. Or anyone. And I want her to be my girlfriend. I do."

Marco shook his head. He was _so_ glad he didn't like girls. Though, honestly, guys were just as tough. But really, why was he thinking about this now? "Look, I know Ellie. If she says no, she'll have a good reason for it. But look who she goes to anytime she needs someone. It sure isn't me anymore. It's _you_. Maybe she's just wondering why you haven't asked yet."

_---Scene Change---_

Marco left an hour later, and Craig trudged back home, intent on calling Ellie the moment he got into the house, only to discover that Joey was on the phone. Wonderful. He threw himself down on the couch to sulk and wait for the phone to be free, his almost-pathetic pout in place. Fifteen minutes later, he had grabbed the phone from Joey's hands as soon as he had hung up and ran upstairs. He was feeling confident at the moment - he could do this. He and Ellie _could_ be together! He punched in Ellie's number, and waited. Silence, then…

"BUSY?"

That was utter bovine manure. Craig threw the phone back on its receiver and bolted down the stairs and through the door. Pausing once to clear his head, he slowed his pace and began the five-minute walk to Christian Nash's house.

_---Scene Change--_

"Busy!" Ellie turned off the phone and sat back against her bed, head in hands. "I can't believe it's busy! I finally get up the nerve to call him, after trying all day and hanging up!" She heard the door open and close downstairs, but didn't think anything of it. After all, it was the time her father got home, and in half an hour, she would probably be called down for dinner. That gave her thirty minutes to wallow in self-pity, and she planned to use those thirty minutes to her advantage.

"I mean, really! Who is he talking to at this hour? It's just not fair! I finally am able to let the call go through without hanging up, and then the line is _busy!_" The redhead buried her face in her pillow, feeling much like throwing a temper tantrum, even if it was undignified.

"So… Uhm… I guess it wasn't Spinner prank calling me all day?"

The sudden voice from the doorway of her room startled Ellie so much, she bolted upright and threw the first thing she could lay her hands on - namely, her lamp.

_---Two Minutes Later---_

"Oh, my _God_ Craig, I'm so sorry!" Ellie had finally managed to wake him up after the lamp grazed his head. Luckily, her aim and never been that good to begin with, and she had missed the ceramic lighting device hitting him full in the face. Still, the minor impact had been enough to render him unconscious for a few minutes, during which Ellie had to keep herself from getting hysterical. After he regained awareness, she took him to bathroom to clean the cut on his forehead, apologizing every two seconds.

"It's all right Ellie, really. I should have told you I was coming up. I didn't mean to scare you." Craig tried to re-assure her, but he was feeling a bit dizzy, and his statement didn't have much strength behind it. "Listen… I wanted to ask you something."

"What?" She was still fretting over his wound, barely paying attention as she put Neosporin® on a rather large bandage, before applying it over his cut.

"Ellie! Stop for a moment, would you? This is kinda important." Craig had regained his firmness of voice, and his tone made the girl stop her nervous chatter and look at him questioningly. "Look… this is hard for me to say. But I really care about you, and, well… I want to give us a try. Would you consider being my girlfriend?"

"No."

Craig looked taken aback at the swiftness of her answer, and the fact that it was a negative. "Wha - what? No?"

"I don't have to consider, Craig. I want to be your girlfriend!" Ellie all but squealed as she threw her arms around him, her hand knocking against his head in her excitement.

"Ow!"

"Oh, God! Craig, I'm sorry!" Ellie looked as though she might start crying. Craig, on the other hand, had started laughing, and was doubled over with his mirth, tears running down his cheeks from both the excruciating pain and the absurdity of the situation. Ellie looked confused, but after a moment started laughing too.

"Not five minutes together, and I'm already in an abusive relationship," Craig joked, sticking his tongue out at Ellie. Ellie chose that exact moment to press her lips to his, which resulted in a rather… deep kiss. When both had regained the ability to speak, Craig looked stunned. "But hey… that kind of abuse I really don't mind."

_**THE END.**_


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